Perfectionism Is Draining You – Here’s How to Stop It for Good
Perfectionism often sneaks in as a silent trap—it convinces you that you need to do more, be better, and never make mistakes. At first, it seems like an advantage, but soon it becomes an exhausting obstacle. Instead of helping you grow, it keeps you trapped in a vicious cycle of doubt and stress.
Research shows that 92% of people suffer from perfectionism—a figure that reveals just how widespread this issue is. Psychologist Dr. Thomas Curran warns that due to modern culture, more people are facing what is called “multidimensional perfectionism,” where pressure comes from multiple directions: society, others, and ourselves. When did we stop being enough as we are?
The good news is that there are effective ways to let go of perfectionism—paths that will teach you to release unrealistic standards, embrace your own worth, and free yourself from exhausting expectations. Below, discover practical strategies that will help you find balance between striving for excellence and having a healthy relationship with yourself.
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Recognize Perfectionism – The Silent Saboteur of Your Peace
Perfectionism often doesn’t come with red flags. It doesn’t scream that it’s ruining your life. Instead, it sneaks into your thoughts and convinces you that you must always be better, faster, more perfect. At first, it seems like an ally—it motivates you to strive for excellence. But soon, it becomes a relentless judge that is never satisfied.
Research shows that perfectionism is strongly linked to anxiety, depression, and even burnout. According to researchers at Harvard, people who set unrealistic standards often procrastinate, have a lower self-esteem, and suffer from stress disorders more frequently. Why? Because they never feel good enough.
You might be a perfectionist without even realizing it. Take a quick test:
✅ Are you constantly striving to make everything perfect?
✅ Do you feel uncomfortable if things are not done flawlessly?
✅ Do you often procrastinate because you’re afraid you won’t do things well enough?
✅ Do you have trouble accepting compliments because you always see what could have been better?
✅ Are you worried that others will judge you if you don’t meet (your own or their) expectations?
If you answered yes to most of these questions, there’s a good chance that perfectionism is affecting your life more than you think. The good news? There are effective ways to let go of perfectionism that will help you release control and finally breathe.
The 80% Rule – Sometimes, “Good Enough” is the Best
Perfectionists often feel that their work is never good enough. There’s always something to improve, fix, or perfect. And so, we get caught in the trap—instead of finishing the task, we delay it, tweak it, and analyze it endlessly. The result? Burnout, frustration, and countless unfinished projects.
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This is where the 80% rule comes in, teaching you how to break free from this trap.
How does it work?
Simple—when you reach about 80% of your expectations, stop. The task is done. It doesn’t need more hours, extra tweaks, or another round of checking. Why?
👉 Because perfection doesn’t exist. You could tweak and improve endlessly, but you’d always find something that could be better.
👉 Because seeking perfection hinders your progress. It’s better to publish a blog, submit a project, or finish a painting than to never complete it.
👉 Because “good enough” means you’re done, you’ve learned, and you’ve moved on. And that’s the only way to grow.
Research confirms that people who stick to this principle progress faster in their careers, are less stressed, and achieve greater success than perfectionists. When we embrace ways to let go of perfectionism, we discover that sometimes it’s better to deliver good work today than “perfect” work never.
It’s Time to Start Embracing Mistakes
When facing perfectionism, one key step is learning to embrace mistakes. And yes, I know, it sounds a bit scary. “How can I embrace a mistake when I’m trying to avoid it at all costs?” Well, here’s an important truth – mistakes are a part of everyday life, and the world won’t stop because of them.
You might believe that one wrong word or decision will lead to complete failure. But take a look at what happens when, for example, you make a mistake while writing or something doesn’t turn out perfectly – you’re still here, everything’s still fine. It’s not the end of the world. However, if you constantly set yourself unrealistic expectations (perfection in its rawest form), you’re always in a state of tension and fear of mistakes. And why? Because you believe that everything must be “perfect” or failure is inevitable.
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So, what if your eyeliner isn’t a perfect match, or you wake up with a pimple before an important meeting? Or what if something “minor” goes wrong? Don’t be too hard on yourself.
Observe Your Inner Dialogue
Have you ever noticed what you’re actually saying to yourself in your head? How often do you encounter critical voices whispering that you’ll never be good enough or that you’ll fail if everything’s not perfect? That’s not just your inner voice – it’s perfectionism sneaking into your thoughts.
Believe me, your inner dialogue is not just something that pops into your head. When you’re so hard on yourself, it only reinforces the feeling that you’re never good enough, that you won’t succeed if things aren’t perfect. It creates a cycle where perfectionism becomes your worst enemy – constantly telling you that you need to be better, faster, perfect.
If you want to let go of perfectionism, the first step is to focus on this inner dialogue. Consciously recognize it and start changing those critical thoughts into encouraging and loving statements. Here’s an example: notice when you’re being too harsh with yourself and questioning if you’ll meet expectations. That’s when you tell yourself: “I am enough, even if everything’s not perfect.”
Set Achievable Goals
Have you ever set a goal that was just too big to achieve? Maybe you told yourself, “I have to be perfect in everything I do.” And then you realized it was too much to handle. Well, if you’ve ever experienced this, then you know how overwhelming and frustrating it can be when you’re under that pressure. Perfectionism often leads us to set goals that are unrealistic and too demanding for our current abilities. No wonder we find ourselves stuck in a vicious cycle, wanting more but facing failures because we set impossible tasks.
Now, imagine this: instead of setting the goal of “being perfect,” you could set smarter goals – goals that align with what you’re currently capable of achieving. Now is the time to learn to set goals that not only won’t overwhelm us, but will also allow us to grow without feeling like we’re going to fall apart if something doesn’t go perfectly.
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This means setting SMART goals (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound). Instead of saying, “I want to be perfect in all areas of my life,” you could say: “In the next three months, I’ll improve my communication by practicing active listening every week.”
Focus on Meaning, Not Perfection – Why Did You Start?
Perfectionism often means we constantly strive to achieve an ideal version of something – whether it’s a project, task, or even our lives. But despite these constant efforts, we often wonder if we really feel satisfaction and fulfillment. Did we hit the “right” goal? Did we achieve perfection? Does this sound familiar?
Maybe we’re not always chasing perfection because it brings us happiness. Perhaps this constant struggle is just a way to avoid deeper questions. But what if we focused instead on the meaning behind what we’re doing?
When we focus on meaning, not perfection, we can experience greater satisfaction because we’re motivated by something deeper – not just the idea of doing something perfectly.
For example, ask yourself: Why did I even start this project? What truly motivated me to take on this journey? If you find meaning in what you’re doing, you’ll quickly realize that perfection isn’t necessary for success. What matters is the feeling that you’re doing something with purpose – that you have the right motivation. When you focus on meaning, past challenges will just be steps that guide you forward.
Realign Your Expectations
Have you ever heard the saying: “Perfection is the enemy of good”? This idea dates back to the 18th century when French philosopher Voltaire first wrote it. His message? If we’re always chasing perfection, we risk never finishing anything.
Perfectionism can convince you that what you’re doing is never good enough. You could always improve, refine, or fix something… and so you find yourself trapped – better not to start at all than do something that’s not perfect.
But the truth is: Perfection doesn’t exist.
In one study published in the Psychological Bulletin, researchers found that perfectionism often leads to higher stress, poorer productivity, and even an increased risk of depression. But when we learn ways to let go of perfectionism, we realize that a good result doesn’t mean perfection – it means progress.
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Stop Procrastinating!
Procrastination – who hasn’t dealt with it? Maybe you’ve delayed tasks before because you wanted them to be “perfect.” At first glance, it may seem harmless to take a little extra time. But in reality, it’s often a sign that perfectionism is holding you back from making progress.
How does this happen? When we set unrealistically high standards, tasks become overwhelming because we’re afraid we won’t do them well enough. For example, your goal is to have your home spotless – but despite cleaning every day, the corners you can’t reach always seem to escape, and in the end, you just give up on trying to clean.
The same can happen with tasks like writing a report or finishing projects – you procrastinate because you’re afraid you won’t meet your own high expectations.
According to psychologists like Flett, Hewitt, and colleagues, people who set unrealistic expectations (the so-called “perfectionists”) often experience decision paralysis. They feel that every task must be completed at the highest possible level, which leads to anxiety and tension, ultimately putting them in a state of constant procrastination.
To begin, try breaking tasks down into smaller steps. Instead of saying, “I need to reorganize the entire house,” set a goal like, “Today, I’ll just clean the kitchen.” This simple shift will help you focus on smaller, achievable tasks that will motivate you to keep going, allowing you to let go of the “perfection” mindset. When you start working on tasks without the pressure of perfection, you’ll begin to shake off the anxious feeling that always holds you back from taking action.
