11 Subtle Actions That Secretly Push Your Partner Away
Relationships are a delicate balancing act – one wrong step, and your partner starts pulling awayโoften without you even realizing why. Love rarely ends because of one big argument or sudden betrayal. More often, it erodes through small, almost imperceptible momentsโactions that push partners awayโaccumulating until one day, one of you asks, “Why donโt we feel connected anymore?”
These small but destructive habits arenโt always obvious. In fact, theyโre often well-intentionedโexcessive care, a need for perfection, or choosing silence over conflict. But research shows that emotional distance, feeling misunderstood, and a loss of connection are among the most common reasons relationships fall apart. Psychologist Dr. Harriet Lerner emphasizes that people donโt withdraw from relationships due to a lack of love but out of fear of being misunderstood and losing their sense of self-worth.
Are you unknowingly sabotaging your relationship? Itโs time to look deeperโto recognize the little things that might be silently weakening your bond before itโs too late. Letโs explore 11 actions that push partners away.
11 Actions That Push Partners Away
1. When Love Turns into a List of Flaws
Criticism is like salt in a dishโa little can enhance it, but too much ruins everything. Psychologist Dr. John Gottman, who has studied couples for over four decades, warns that excessive criticism is one of the strongest predictors of a relationshipโs breakdown. And think about itโwho wants to be in a relationship where they constantly feel like theyโre failing a test they can never pass?
Of course, thereโs nothing wrong with constructive feedback. But if your communication mostly revolves around what your partner is doing wrong, youโre building an emotional wall thatโs hard to tear down. When criticism becomes the norm, your partner starts seeing the relationship as a place where theyโre “never enough,” leading to distance and emotional disconnectionโa classic example of actions that push partners away.
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The solution? Create a culture of appreciation. Instead of looking for mistakes, focus on what your partner does well. And if you do need to express dissatisfaction, try a softer approach: “I love it when you help me with cleaningโit would really mean a lot if you could do the dishes today.”
2. When One Decides and the Other Just Follows
Imagine being part of a team where your teammate makes all the decisions without asking for your input. How would you feel? Probably like an extra in your own life. The same applies to relationships. One of the key actions that push partners away is excluding them from big decisions.
Whether itโs moving to a new city, changing careers, or making a major financial purchaseโif your partner finds out after the decision has already been made, youโre essentially telling them: “My opinion matters, yours doesnโt.” This quickly breeds resentment, feelings of insignificance, and emotional distance.
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Tony Robbins, one of the most renowned relationship coaches, says that strong relationships thrive on shared decision-making because it strengthens trust and respect. When both partners feel heard and valued, thereโs a much lower chance of one of them considering leaving. This doesnโt mean you need to vote on what to eat for dinner every night, but when it comes to life-changing choices, your partner shouldnโt be a passive observer.
3. Prioritizing Others Over Your Partner
Does your partner always get “Just two more minutes, I just need to finish this”? Do they feel like everything elseโwork, kids, friends, hobbies, phone, Netflixโcomes before them? If youโre on the receiving end of this, you know how quickly feelings of unimportance creep in.
One of the most damaging actions that push partners away is consistently putting them last. Itโs not about making your entire life revolve around your relationship, but if your partner is always at the bottom of your priority list, theyโll eventually stop trying.
A Harvard University study found that happy relationships donโt require a lot of time but rather quality time. Even if you only have 20 minutes a day to truly connect, it can make the difference between a relationship that thrives and one that fades.
4. Promises That Sound Nice โ Until It’s Time to Keep Them
“Of course, I’ll finish work early today so we can go to dinner!”
“I promise I wonโt forget to check in next time.”
“Honey, this weekend is just for the two of us!”
And thenโฆ nothing. Something more important always comes up. Making false promises is one of the actions that push partners away because it destroys the foundation of a relationshipโtrust, security, and a sense of importance.
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Research shows that people often make promises with the best intentions but underestimate the obstacles that will prevent them from keeping them. This is called optimistic biasโwe believe that next time, weโll be different, more organized, more focused. But if this pattern keeps repeating, sooner or later, your partner will stop believing you.
If youโre not 100% sure you can keep a promise, itโs better not to make one at all. Instead, say, “Iโll do my best, but I canโt promise because Iโm not sure Iโll manage.” This way, youโre not creating false expectations but building your relationship on honesty. Because in love, actions matter more than words.
5. Blaming Your Partner for Your Poor Decisions
Have you ever found yourself overwhelmed with emotions, only to shift the blame onto your partner? It happens when our emotions take over, or we feel too burdened to take responsibility for our own mistakes.
Blaming your partner for your bad decisionsโwhether it’s financial troubles, missteps in the relationship, or overdue billsโis one of the actions that push partners away. It may feel like you’ve found a “scapegoat” to ease your conscience, but what happens next? In reality, this only increases negativity in the relationship, creating a toxic emotional environment.
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Psychologists often warn that blame and guilt erode responsibility in a relationship. If you constantly burden your partner with accusations and make them carry the weight of your mistakes, they will start feeling like an unequal partner.
6. Obsessing Over Your Partner
The first few months of a relationship can feel truly magical. Everything is new and exciting, and you want to spend every moment togetherโsending sweet messages, finding excuses to see each other more often. Itโs beautiful and completely normal.
But what happens when this turns into obsessive behaviorโconstantly tracking your partner and checking what they’re doing? This is one of the actions that push partners away and can do more harm than good.
Dr. Amica Graber, a relationship expert, warned in an interview for TruthFinder that obsessive behaviorsโsuch as excessive texting, checking social media, or over-planning the future togetherโcan create pressure in a relationship. At first, it might seem like a way to show your love, but it can quickly become something that limits the natural growth of the relationship.
7. Expecting Your Partner to Be Your Therapist
Sometimes, we go through tough times and need someone to listen and support us. Thatโs completely natural. But thereโs a fine line between leaning on your partner and expecting them to be your personal therapistโwhich is one of the actions that push partners away.
The truth is, your partner is not responsible for your inner struggles. No matter how much they love and support you, they are not the ones who should solve your problems. This is a common mistake in relationships, especially when facing personal challenges or high stress.
8. Ignoring Your Partnerโs Complaints
If youโve been in a relationship for a while, you know how important it is to listen to your partner. But even more important is responding to their concerns in the right way. Ignoring their issuesโespecially those they repeatedly bring upโis one of the actions that push partners away and can create a deep rift.
When your partner expresses dissatisfactionโwhether about intimacy, communication, or simple daily needsโitโs often a sign that they need more attention and respect. Itโs not just a complaint; itโs an opportunity to strengthen your relationship.
If you dismiss or ignore these concerns, your partner may start feeling unheard, neglected, and unimportant. And thatโs what creates emotional distanceโeventually leading to bigger issues that arenโt easily fixed.
9. Unrealistic Expectations
When we enter a relationship, especially in the early stages, everything feels a bit more idealistic. We are filled with romantic notions, infatuation, and the belief that our partner should be perfect.
But as relationships last longer, expectations tend to grow. At the beginning, we might not even have a clear idea of what we expect from our partner, but as life becomes more complicated, our expectations increaseโmore and more demands pile onto our partner’s shoulders. We might wish for our partner to be fit, always ready to help with chores, play with the kids, surprise us with romantic gestures, and, of course, be a constant source of love and support. While these desires aren’t inherently bad, they do need to be realistic.
Where do we draw the line between what we wish for and what is actually achievable? If we place too many expectations on our partner, we silently push them away. This can be one of the actions that push partners away, as they may start feeling like they are never enough, which can lead them to withdraw from the relationship.
10. When Screens Become Bigger Than the Relationship
In today’s world, it’s hard to function without a smartphone, computer, or tablet. We use them for everythingโfrom finding information to chatting with friends, shopping, and managing our daily tasks. But sometimes, when screens take center stage in our lives, they slowly start to replace other important thingsโlike quality time with our partner.
When weโre physically with our partner but constantly looking at our phone, it sends a clear message: You are not important enough. Or even worse, we use screens as a barrier to avoid the emotional connection needed for a healthy relationship. These are actions that push partners away, as they can make a partner feel neglected and unworthy of our attention.
11. Lying โ Lack of Trust
Trust is what holds a relationship togetherโlike an invisible thread that connects two people, creating security, closeness, and a sense of belonging. But when the truth starts to fade, when a partner begins to hide things, evade questions, or even consciously lie, that thread begins to unravel. And once it breaks, it is incredibly difficult to rebuild the deep connection that once existed.
These are actions that push partners away, as distrust creates a gap that can grow bigger each day until it becomes impossible to bridge.
Why Do People Lie?
It’s not always about wanting to harm the partner. Sometimes, people lie out of fearโfear of confrontation, fear of consequences, fear of disappointing or losing someone they love. Psychologists say that lies often stem from an inability to communicate openly or from personal insecurities.
However, regardless of the reason behind the lie, the effect remains the sameโonce a partner discovers they havenโt been told the truth, doubts begin to creep in: What else isnโt true? How many times have I been lied to? Can I even trust a single word anymore?
And that is the beginning of the end.
