The Marriage Struggles No One Warns You About
Marriage is one of those chapters in life that promises warmth, connection, and a sense of home. Through promises of eternal love and shared dreams, many embark on this journey with a vision of boundless happiness, but the reality is often different. Not because marriage can’t be wonderful, but because it is made up of moments that aren’t always easy. Love is not just a feeling – it is a decision that must be made over and over, especially when challenges arise.
In every relationship, there are moments when it feels like words no longer reach each other, efforts go unnoticed, and daily responsibilities slowly erase the sense of closeness that once felt so strong. This isn’t a sign that love is fading, but rather evidence that marriage is a living organism that requires care.
Many relationship therapists say that the biggest problems in marriage don’t arise from a lack of love but from unrealistic expectations – the belief that it will always be easy, that everything will just fall into place, that both partners will always be on the same page.
Every couple faces challenges that marriage brings. The challenges couples face in marriage are an inevitable part of two people growing together. Some challenges are expected, others come unexpectedly. But what separates strong marriages from those that fall apart is not the absence of problems but the way they are faced. Let’s take a look at the challenges that most couples face in marriage.
The Harsh Reality of Marriage: 11 Challenges Couples Face in Marriage
Marriage is not a fairy tale where the two lovers ride hand in hand into the sunset and live happily ever after. Love is wonderful, but marriage? That’s a different story. It’s a life together that requires dedication, patience, and – most importantly – the awareness that there will be times when it will be difficult. But this doesn’t mean it’s the end. It simply means that you are human. And that you have the opportunity to become even stronger.
1. Attraction Will Fluctuate
People often think that if the attraction in a marriage fades, it means love has disappeared. But this couldn’t be further from the truth. Attraction is not static – it changes, just like the seasons. There will be days when your partner looks like the most wonderful person in the world, and days when you simply… look through them.
Stop Believing These Myths For A Happy Long-Term Relationship
Routine, stress, physical exhaustion, and everyday worries can mask the spark that was once so strong. But it’s important to know: this doesn’t mean the marriage is in trouble; it simply means you’re both human. Love is not something that just happens on its own, but something you consciously build.
2. You’ll Argue Over the Smallest Things – But There’s More to It
“How can someone not squeeze the toothpaste from the bottom?!”
Things that once seemed insignificant suddenly become triggers for arguments. But it’s not about the toothpaste. It’s about the feeling of being heard, respected, and connected. According to renowned marriage therapist John Gottman, most marital conflicts have less to do with the issue itself and more with emotional security in the relationship.
When a partner feels that their opinion matters and they are understood, even the smallest arguments get resolved faster and without unnecessary wounds.
Couples who know how to argue constructively – without blaming, without explosive reactions, but with listening and understanding – are more likely to experience long-term happiness.
The next time a drop of water on the bathroom counter bothers you, ask yourself: Is this really about the water – or is there something deeper at play?
3. Some Conflicts Will Never Be Fully Resolved
No matter how much you love each other, there will be things where you will never be on the same side. Research shows that as many as 69% of marital conflicts are permanent – they will never be fully resolved. Of course, some problems are smaller, others bigger, but the key to a successful marriage is not perfect harmony, but accepting differences.
This doesn’t mean ignoring the issues, but learning to live with them. If your partner will never understand your obsession with a tidy home – or if you’ll always roll your eyes at their spontaneous purchases, the only important thing is: Can you still maintain respect and love despite these differences? A healthy marriage doesn’t mean you always agree – it means you always appreciate each other.
4. The Desire to Change Your Partner
When you’re newly in love, everything about your partner is adorable – their strange laugh, the way they talk about the movies they love. But as the years go by, these same things can become sources of frustration. Who hasn’t thought, “Why can’t you be a bit more like I want you to be?”
But the truth is, changing your partner simply doesn’t work. One of the common challenges couples face in marriage is exactly this – expecting the other person to adjust to our desires. People only change if they want to. The more we try to reshape someone, the more resistance we create. Instead, the key is acceptance – loving someone as they are and growing together.
5. Doubts About the Right Choice
We’ve all heard the saying: “If it’s the right person, you’ll just know.” But the reality is more complicated. Every relationship has its ups and downs, and sometimes there comes a moment when you ask yourself: “Am I really in the right place?” This doesn’t mean the relationship is wrong – it means you are human.
Challenges couples face in marriage also include doubts, which are a part of every relationship. The key is to use these thoughts as an opportunity for conversation and growth, rather than fear. Often, such moments bring even greater connection if approached honestly and openly.
6. Monotony and Losing the Spark
At first, it’s long conversations late into the night, spontaneous trips, and the feeling that you could spend eternity with each other. Then come the obligations – work, children, bills, household chores. Suddenly, dinner in front of the TV becomes the only form of “quality time.”
A big challenge couples face in marriage is getting caught in the routine. It’s important to recognize this and find ways together to bring more spontaneity into your relationship – small gestures, surprises, shared activities that aren’t tied to obligations. The spark doesn’t disappear on its own, but it can be rekindled if you take time and effort for it.
7. Caring for Your Partner Is Not Always Romantic
Look, when you get married, you might expect everything to be wonderful and romantic, but in reality… it’s life! Sometimes caring for your partner can be more simple and less glamorous than you think. Forget the movies where couples spend nights under the stars – marriage is often really about folding laundry together, listening to each other after a long day, or sharing a quick slice of pizza.
Yes, it’s true, these “small” things are what build the foundation of marriage. When you’re battling daily challenges like work, kids, and obligations, even the smallest gesture toward your partner isn’t always the prettiest or most obvious. But, if you really want to overcome these challenges, caring for your partner must be present – even in the simplest ways.
Look, research shows that in long-term marriages, it’s often crucial how a couple cares for each other every step of the way. It’s simple: the more we invest in small moments, the stronger our connection will be. It’s not all about grand gestures, but about choosing to be there every day where it’s needed.
8. Sexual Intimacy Can Change
Now, let’s move on to that area that’s uncomfortable for some or often gets overlooked – sexual intimacy. Sexuality in marriage is not always the same as it was in the beginning. Let’s face it: when you become parents, when you’re tired after a busy week, and when obligations peak, it’s not always easy to find time or desire for these moments. But this doesn’t mean it’s over – far from it! In fact, this is one of the bigger challenges couples face in marriage.
And that’s completely normal. Maybe it’s not always the same as in the first years, but as long as the partners don’t lose that emotional connection, they are still very much connected. So, let sexual intimacy not just be something physical – let it also be a way to grow together as a couple and maintain a love that is deeper than just physical touch.
9. External Pressures – Friends, Mother-in-Law, Financial Problems…
Life! Sometimes what comes from the outside is what really tests our marriage. External pressures – from parents to career struggles, from financial worries to overwhelming obligations – can quickly start to burden the marriage. And believe me, when all these factors invade your world, it’s not always easy to maintain calm. Now, it’s not just about the challenges couples face in marriage, but also about how they handle them together.
It seems that once you start looking for problems in these areas, they overwhelm you like a flood! But the key to overcoming this is acknowledging together that life is not always easy, but that you’re both willing to go through it together.
Look, when you’re facing all these external struggles, like financial worries or stress from other people, as a couple, you can learn how to handle these challenges as a team. It’s important to find a way to support each other when things get tough. Of course, you can’t control everything that comes from the outside, but you can control how you’ll get through it all together.
10. You Might Sometimes Feel Lost in Your Marriage
Marriage is truly one big adventure. And although you start this journey with your partner, over the years, new challenges in marriage arise. It’s not just about becoming parents, but also about family expectations, career demands, and even building a home – all of which can sometimes lead to you simply forgetting who you really are. Challenges couples face in marriage are not only external factors, but often involve internal changes that are hard to notice right away.
When you begin searching for balance between being a partner, a parent, a colleague, and so many other things, you can easily get lost in all of it. Sometimes, because of all this “life,” you forget what initially drew you to your partner and, even more importantly, what made you happy. Of course, it’s not the end of the world if you feel lost sometimes. It might actually be a sign that you need to find yourself again.
Give yourself permission to take time for yourself, to remember what brings you joy, what relaxes you, what makes you happy. Challenges couples face in marriage are not always dramatic issues; sometimes, it’s just about reconnecting with ourselves so that we can be more present for others.
11. Forgiveness in Marriage Can Take Longer Than Expected
In every marriage, there are moments when something happens that hurts us – it could be mistakes, misunderstandings, or even simply a lack of communication. And believe me, this is something every couple has experienced. Challenges couples face in marriage often revolve around how a couple handles the wounds caused by one partner or the other.
Although each of us would like everything to be carefree and mistake-free, that’s not always the reality. Sometimes, your partner hurts you – maybe unintentionally, but still.
This can lead to a long healing process. Sometimes, it’s simply not enough to apologize and move on. Healing emotions can be a lengthy and often complicated process. In these moments, it’s important to acknowledge that not everything is fixed immediately and that forgiveness is often a much bigger challenge than you initially thought.
It’s crucial that both partners put effort into this process, creating space for conversation and understanding. Challenges couples face in marriage can therefore also be an opportunity for personal growth and deeper connection, if approached with an open heart.
