The Real Guide to Being a Good Friend People Can Rely On

Friendships are one of the rare things in life that can calm us so deeply. And yet, we often take them for granted. Adulthood can push them into the background: work, family, moving, loss, an overflowing schedule — and suddenly, we realize we don’t even remember the last time we sat silently on the couch with someone without checking the time.

And although the question how to be a good friend might sound a bit like something out of school, it’s actually one of those questions we adults quietly carry around.
But it’s exactly that silence — the one that lingers between missed calls, unanswered messages, and growing distance — that gently calls us back to what really matters.

In this article, I’ll share how to be a good friend — some simple tips and small changes we can make to become the kind of person others not only respect, but feel warmth, closeness, and safety around.

Why Are Friendships So Important Today?

In a world where we have more “friends” online than people we could actually call at 2 a.m., it’s easy to forget what it truly means to be close to someone. That’s exactly why the question how to be a good friend is more important now than ever before. Because honest, safe, heartfelt friendships don’t fall from the sky. They need more—something you can’t replace with a like, an emoji, or a quick “how are you?” in the inbox.

According to the American Psychological Association (APA), strong friendships are one of the key contributors to a longer, healthier life. Yes, you read that right—it’s not just about having someone to grab coffee with. Friendships help reduce stress, strengthen the immune system, lower the risk of depression, and even speed up recovery after illness.
And if you’re wondering how can I be a good friend, then you’re already on the right path.

The truth is, in this wild -paced world, we often forget about the people who stay with us when life is messy, hard, or chaotic. That’s why it’s so important to ask ourselves—what makes a good friend? What makes someone truly special in the eyes of another? Sometimes, it’s the person who just listens. Other times, it’s the one who says: “Hey, you’re wrong, but I still love you.”

Friendship is an art—and if you’re willing to put your heart into it, it can reward you in ways you might not even imagine. So let’s take a look at some helpful tips on how to be a good friend.

four friends taking a selfie and smiling, reflecting the bond and fun moments that are part of how to be a good friend.

How To Be A Good Friend (For Real)? – 10 Genuine Ways That Make A Difference

1. Speak, Listen, Share

They say communication is the bridge that connects people. But honestly—not every bridge is safe. Some fall apart when there’s too much silence underneath, or too many words spoken without sincerity.

If you’re wondering how to be a good friend, start here: speak. Say what’s really going on in your life. Not just what looks good on Instagram, but the real stuff. That you’re tired. That you’re worried. That you’re happy you finally watched that movie your friend recommended.

And listen. Not the kind of listening where you’re just waiting for your turn to speak—but really listen. Friendship is one of the few connections where silence doesn’t mean the end—it means safety. And yes—sometimes just saying, “Hey, I’m thinking of you,” is enough to build a bridge that never falls apart.

2. Quality Over Quantity – Always

If you think you need to text every day, be available like an alarm clock, or spend every weekend together to be a good friend, here’s some relief: you don’t.
Friendships that truly matter don’t measure time—they measure meaning.

Ways on how to be a good friend often include simplicity—a phone call, a voice message, a meme that says, “This reminded me of you.”
Those little things? They’re often the biggest. If you’re wondering how to be a good friend, remember this: attention matters. And repeated attention matters even more.

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3. Be There When They Really Need You (Not Just When It’s Fun)

We all love celebrating wins with our friends—but we know life isn’t always sugar-coated. We go through tough times, heartbreaks, family disappointments, and more. To be a real friend to someone, it’s important to show up even when life gets messy.
Listen to them, comfort them, offer advice, watch a sad movie with them, or simply remind them they can always count on you.

If you’re wondering how to be a good friend to someone, start with presence. You don’t need solutions. Just be there.

4. Don’t Gossip About Your Friends – Period

This might not be the softest advice, but it’s necessary. If you ever feel tempted to share something “interesting” about your friend behind their back—don’t.
Real friends don’t talk behind backs, they speak beside you. They don’t put you down, they don’t gossip, and they don’t compete to be the wittiest at someone else’s expense.

How can I be a good friend? By being a safe space. By making sure your words mean something. By ensuring your friend never has to fear that you’d reveal something they trusted you with in a vulnerable moment. That silence built on trust? Guard it like a treasure.

5. Be Someone Others Can Be Themselves Around

Don’t explain how someone “should” feel. Don’t fix. Don’t compare. If you want to truly understand how to be a supportive friend, learn to be someone around whom others don’t need to hide their vulnerability.

In real friendships, there’s no room for masks. A good friend is someone who can sit through the silence when the other person can’t find the words. Someone who doesn’t leave when things get awkward. Sometimes, the greatest gift you can give is not requiring someone to be “okay.” And when you really understand that—you start creating a space where genuine connection can unfold.

6. Show Respect for Their Time and Space

We all have our own lives. And sometimes, a friend doesn’t reply right away. Or they don’t have time. Or they’re simply tired. Being a good friend means understanding that—without resentment, without pressure. Respecting someone isn’t just about listening to them. It’s also about honoring their energy. Their space. And knowing how to say: “Hey, just letting you know I’m here when you have time.”

Maintaining a friendship also means understanding that we’re not always available—but we’re still connected. If you understand that, you already understand a big part of how to be a good friend.

7. Be Someone Who Gives—Without Expectations

A good friend is someone you don’t have to pretend with. You can simply say, “I’m not okay today”—and that’s enough. And vice versa. When your friend is down, you show up for them—not to force solutions, but to offer space to express what they feel. Sometimes they don’t need advice. They just need someone who truly listens.

How to be a better friend in a relationship? Don’t count who did more. A real friend doesn’t keep score. Be the one who simply asks: “How are you today?”—and then really listens. You don’t need to have all the answers. It’s enough to be there. Genuinely, patiently, without expectations.

Friendship isn’t a transaction where you trade something for something. It’s a space where you can be exactly who you are—and still be accepted.

Two guys chatting and laughing in nature, embodying how to be a good friend through open communication and shared laughter.

8. Don’t Compete—Cheer Them On

One of the most beautiful things in friendship is the ability to genuinely celebrate someone else—without feeling lack inside yourself.
But let’s be honest—it’s not always easy. There are days when your friend has it all, and you feel like you have nothing. And this is exactly where you show how to be a good friend.

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When you can say: “Wow, I’m so happy for you!”—without mentioning your own struggles in the same breath. When you can congratulate them without comparison. When you can root for them like their biggest fan. Because that’s what you are. Real friends don’t compete—they lift each other up. Even when it feels like you’re the one who isn’t flying right now.

9. Apologize—Without the “But”

Friendships aren’t always perfect. Misunderstandings happen. Wrong words. Bad reactions. But if you want to know how to be a better friend, learn to apologize—without excuses, without “I just meant…”

Sometimes a simple: “I’m sorry. I messed up.” is enough. An apology that’s not weighed down by explanations but light like a hug. And if you’re truly a good friend, sometimes you’ll be the first to make a move. Not because you’re guilty—but because you care.

10. Let Your Friendship Require No Performance

In a world where everyone’s trying to prove something, where friendships become “content” for stories, the clearest sign of how to be a good friend is this:
Being there when no camera is rolling. When it’s not about likes. When a pajama tea hangout means more than a picture-perfect brunch.

Good friendships aren’t measured by how much you post together—but by how deeply you feel each other. If someone can come to you without makeup, without a mask, without fear of being judged—then you’ve done something truly special. You’ve become a safe haven. And that’s a rare gift that means more than anything.