Learn How to Forgive Someone Who Hurt You Deeply
Have you ever felt like you simply can’t let go of anger? That someone hurt you so deeply it feels almost impossible to forgive? It could be a partner who cheated, a friend who betrayed you, or even a family member who neglected your feelings. We all know that moment when forgiveness doesn’t just feel hard—it feels utterly impossible.
Interestingly, forgiveness is often more for us than for the ones who hurt us. Yet many avoid it, thinking it means condoning the act that caused the pain. But the truth is, forgiveness isn’t what we usually imagine it to be. It’s not forgetting, it’s not rebuilding a relationship—it’s choosing to free ourselves from the weight of the past.
It’s about letting go of anger, resentment, negative thoughts, recurring dreams about that person, and the desire for revenge. Let me help you take the next step toward truly forgiving the one who hurt you.
Practical Tips How to Forgive Someone Who Hurt You
Decide to Forgive
Yes, it’s a decision—the hardest yet most important step in forgiving someone who hurt you. Simply choosing to forgive may feel impossible, especially when the wound runs deep. But this decision is the first step toward healing.
Forgiveness doesn’t happen overnight, and it’s crucial to understand this. It’s not a matter of “right now” or “in a week.” It’s a process that takes time, patience, and emotional work. You might need time to heal, but what matters is starting to move forward.
Think of it as lifting a heavy weight off your heart. Once you decide to forgive, you’ll find it easier to breathe. The pain won’t disappear instantly, but you’ll create space for peace.
These Genius Tricks Will Help You Stop Comparing Yourself
As Nelson Mandela wisely said, “Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That’s why it’s such a powerful weapon.” It may sound simple, but when you consider how Mandela chose reconciliation after 27 years in prison, it becomes an extraordinary example of the power of forgiveness.
Forgiveness Doesn’t Depend on an Apology
When someone hurts us, it’s natural to want an apology. Sometimes, we think we can’t move forward without it—that we need that validation to acknowledge our pain. But the truth is, forgiveness doesn’t rely on an apology.
Imagine this: if you’re waiting for an apology, you’re keeping yourself tied to the past. You’re giving someone else control over your emotions, meaning your feelings remain in their hands. Instead, take back your power and decide to start healing, whether or not the apology comes.
Ask yourself: what’s really holding you back? Is it the expectation of an apology? Or is it your desire to control how others treat you? To forgive someone who hurt you, begin by accepting that forgiveness is something only you can do, without needing anyone else’s permission.
As the American author Lewis B. Smedes said, “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” By forgiving, you free not only the other person but also yourself. It’s not an easy task, but it’s profoundly liberating.
Reflect on Whether Your Feelings Are Constructive or Destructive
When someone hurts you, it’s natural to feel anger. But it’s important to recognize that this anger can be directed in different ways. Ask yourself: is your anger helping or hindering your growth?
Afraid to Leave Your Comfort Zone? Here’s How to Thrive
Constructive anger allows you to respond to the situation with awareness and respect. For example, if a friend disappointed you, constructive anger could help you set clear boundaries and have an honest conversation about what hurt you. This type of anger fosters growth and improvement, helping you learn from the situation, establish healthier boundaries, and strengthen your self-respect.
On the other hand, destructive anger acts like poison, leading to impulsive behavior that can worsen the situation. It might drive you toward revenge, spreading rumors, or damaging relationships. Be mindful that destructive anger can have long-term consequences.
As Martin Luther King Jr. said, “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” His wisdom reminds us to recognize destructive emotions and transform them into something constructive that propels us forward, not anchors us to the past.
Carefully Reflect on Your Own Actions
When someone hurts you, it’s natural to want to find fault with them and protect yourself. But when it comes to forgiving someone who hurt you, it’s essential to pause and consider whether you may have contributed to the situation in some way.
Ready to Achieve More? These Productivity Tips Will Help
Most people find it hard to confront their own mistakes, especially when dealing with emotional wounds caused by others. But the truth is, in many cases, there isn’t just one person entirely at fault. If you’ve had a disagreement with a friend or partner, ask yourself if you might have said or done something that added to the tension. This doesn’t mean excusing the other person’s actions but acknowledging your part in the story.
When you can look in the mirror and face your own shortcomings, you open the door to healing and growth. This is the first step toward genuine forgiveness—not only for the other person but also for yourself.
Is It Worth Maintaining the Relationship?
When someone hurts us, we often feel compelled to fix things to preserve the relationship. But is it always wise to hold onto connections that cause pain? If you’re wondering how to forgive someone who hurt you, one crucial question to ask is: do you want this person to continue having an impact on your life?
A relationship can be a source of pain if someone repeatedly disappoints, betrays, or abuses your trust. It’s okay to take a step back and consider whether letting someone go would bring you more peace.
This might mean saying goodbye to a friend, partner, or family member who continuously hurts you. Ending a relationship shows you respect yourself enough to seek a better, healthier, and happier life.
Interestingly, studies show that people who cut ties with toxic relationships experience significantly better mental and physical health. So ask yourself: do you want to keep being hurt, or are you ready for a fresh start?
You Don’t Wish Harm to Others
When someone hurts us, it’s completely normal to feel anger and resentment. You might think that person deserves to face the consequences of their actions. However, while this feeling is entirely human, it’s important to understand that harboring negative thoughts and wishing harm on others often only burdens you further.
Discover the Fastest Way to Quiet Your Mind Today
Resentment, anger, and the desire for revenge keep us trapped in the past and can emotionally drain us. When you dwell on what you’d like to do to this person, you might not realize that you’re merely keeping the pain alive. As the famous quote says: “Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” When we carry negativity, it becomes a part of us. In the long run, it deepens our pain without changing anything about the other person.
Believe that by focusing on your own well-being, your mental health will grow stronger and more resilient. How to forgive someone who hurt you? Start by letting go of negativity within and allow peace to return to you.
Reflect on a Time You Were Forgiven
We’ve all made mistakes at some point and needed someone to show us mercy and forgive us. How did it feel to know you were accepted despite your flaws? How did that person respond? Reflecting on such moments can help you open up and allow yourself and others to experience the power of forgiveness.
If you’ve experienced forgiveness before, you likely felt relief, peace, and gratitude. It was a reminder that none of us are perfect, yet we all deserve to be accepted and loved. By looking back at a time when you needed forgiveness, you can understand how crucial it was that someone gave you a chance to change.
As Mahatma Gandhi said: “The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” This means forgiveness is an act of strength born from understanding that everyone makes mistakes. When you truly grasp this, you’ll be ready to open your heart and extend the same grace to others
Every Story Has Two Sides
Sometimes, we get so absorbed in our emotions that we forget to look at a situation from another perspective. Have you ever been certain you were right, only to hear the other side of the story and realize things weren’t so simple? Forgiveness isn’t just about letting go of pain; it’s also about understanding why it happened in the first place. If you’re wondering how to forgive someone who hurt you, listening to a different perspective is a crucial step.
When someone hurts you, it’s tempting to shut down and stay stuck in feelings of anger and disappointment. However, to truly understand what happened, take a moment to listen—not just with your ears but with an open heart, free of judgment. You might discover that the other person had no harmful intentions or that they acted out of fear, stress, or even a misunderstanding of your feelings.
Research shows that we often interpret situations through the lens of our emotions and beliefs. For example, if we feel betrayed, we might perceive every word they say as an excuse. But what if that’s not the case? What if they truly meant something but didn’t have the right words to express it? Giving them the opportunity to explain their side can lead to unexpected relief or even reconciliation.
Listening doesn’t mean excusing their behavior, but it allows for understanding. It’s important to maintain your boundaries, but by opening space for dialogue, you create the possibility of seeing the parts of the story you might have missed. Sometimes, you’ll be surprised to find they felt the same way—hurt, scared, or powerless.
Release the Burdens of the Past and Find the Lesson in It
You’ve probably heard the phrase: “Don’t hold onto the past, or you’ll miss the future.” And you know what? It’s absolutely true. How do you feel when you dwell on the past? Likely tired, angry, as though you’re carrying a heavy backpack that keeps you from breathing freely.
Here’s the key question: do you really want to keep carrying that burden? You can’t change the past, but you can take something from it—a lesson, an insight, a source of strength. Instead of circling around anger and “what could have been,” ask yourself: “What have I learned from this experience?” For instance, perhaps you’ve realized the importance of setting clearer boundaries, or you’ve learned to pay closer attention to your feelings and values.
Think of the past as a mirror. You look into it to understand what happened, but then you shift your gaze forward. Let the past be your teacher, not your prison. By releasing anger and finding the lesson, you free yourself from the weight that holds you back.
