How to Get Over a Breakup Even If It Feels Impossible

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Breakups are one of life’s more difficult tests—not only because of losing a partner, but because of all the small things that disappear overnight. Shared routines, laughter, a sense of safety—all of it suddenly fades, and you are left alone with your thoughts and emotions. Many people may tell you, “Time will heal the wounds.” But let’s be honest, that sentence rarely helps. There is no easy path, no quick fix, and that is completely okay. You have to allow yourself to heal in your own way.

Today, I want to reach out to you and share a few tips that can help you understand how to get over a breakup, make sense of the healing process, and slowly begin to feel hope again in your everyday life.

The Breakup Healing Process — What It Really Looks Like

One of the most well-known theories that helps people understand their emotions after the end of a relationship comes from the five stages of grief model, developed by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. Although this theory was originally created to understand people dealing with loss—such as the death of a loved one—it can also apply to breakups.

However, it’s very important to understand that these feelings are not linear. You do not move through one stage and then calmly proceed to the next as if you were checking items off a to-do list. It’s more like waves of emotions, where you might find yourself in one stage, then another, sometimes back in the first, or even experiencing several stages at the same time.

1. Shock and Disbelief

When a breakup happens, one of the first emotions you often feel is disbelief. Your heart is not yet ready to accept that the end is real. Why? Because you were used to this person being part of your daily life—part of your routine, your sense of safety, and your emotional world.

Your mind and heart try to protect you from the full weight of the loss, which is why you might feel as if it isn’t real, as if it’s just a mistake or a temporary situation. You might think, “They’ll call… things will go back to the way they were.” Or you may pretend that everything is fine, even though your heart hurts deeply.

2. Anger

Once the disbelief begins to fade, anger often follows. Why? Because loss can trigger frustration and a sense of injustice. Inside, you may feel resentment and think, “Why did this happen to me? Why did they do this?” This anger is not only directed toward your ex—it can also be aimed at the situation, at yourself, or even at the world, because you feel hurt and disappointed.

You might feel betrayed, think that things could have been different, or feel that the situation is unfair. This is a sign that you are still emotionally attached and that your heart recognizes the loss. Allowing yourself to feel anger is a key part of dealing with heartbreak, because it helps your heart gradually move forward.

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3. Bargaining

Bargaining is the stage where you begin searching for control over something you cannot change. Why? Because you want to reduce the pain and regain a sense of safety.

You may find yourself thinking, “If only I had said this… If only I had done that, things might have been different.” This is your mind’s way of trying to negotiate with the situation and regain a sense of control that no longer exists. You might wish you could go back to certain moments in the past or become a different version of yourself so that the relationship could have survived.

4. Depression

When the reality truly sinks in—and you can no longer bargain with it or ignore it—sadness or depression may appear. Why? Because this is when you genuinely feel the loss and the emptiness this person has left in your life.

It can feel like losing a sense of security, routine, shared plans, and memories all at once. You might feel drained, lost, isolated, or overwhelmed by everyday tasks. This is a natural part of learning to cope with a breakup, because your emotions need space to process the loss and slowly begin releasing the bond that was created with your former partner.

5. Acceptance

Acceptance means acknowledging reality: the breakup has happened, and life continues. This is the moment when your heart and mind say, “This happened, and now I will find my way forward.” You may still have memories or feel occasional sadness, but those feelings no longer control your day. Acceptance allows you to move on after a breakup, begin rebuilding your daily life, and open space for new emotions, new connections, and the life you deserve.

Woman crying after a breakup while her friend comforts her during heartbreak

Helpful Tips on How to Get Over a Breakup

Cut Contact With Your Ex

If you want to get through a breakup, you need to step away from the in-between space where you are still connected. This means not sending messages, not clicking “like” on their stories, and not checking every comment or photo on social media. Every small interaction or glance can trigger emotions that pull you back into the same cycle—and prevent you from moving forward.

When you remove these constant reminders, you give your emotions the chance to calm down. This makes it easier to cope with a breakup, because your mind and body are no longer receiving constant triggers that keep you attached to the past.

Allow Yourself to Grieve

When you go through a breakup, there is nothing wrong with feeling overwhelmed by tears, wanting to lie under a blanket, or listening to emotional music. The emotions you are experiencing—sadness, emptiness, disappointment—are not something you need to “get over quickly.” This is simply how your heart and mind process loss.

If you resist these feelings, push them away, or ignore them, they will often return even stronger. Instead, allow yourself to feel them. Write in a journal whatever comes to your mind—from painful thoughts to the feelings you wish you could experience instead.

Create a New Plan for Your Future

A breakup may take away part of your identity, your routine, and your sense of security. That’s why one of the most powerful things you can do is create a new plan for yourself. Don’t think of it as completely rebuilding your life overnight. Instead, see it as slowly drawing a new path that truly excites you. What have you been postponing for a long time? Is there a place you have always wanted to live? A career that inspires you? Hobbies that once meant a lot to you?

This helps you redirect your energy away from your ex and toward the life you want to build for yourself. And remember—you don’t need to have all the answers today. Open yourself to possibilities and allow days, weeks, or even months to pass while you slowly create a meaningful vision for your future.

Talk to People You Trust

There’s one thing I can tell you with certainty: don’t go through this alone. The feelings you are experiencing matter and deserve to be heard. Find a friend, family member, or anyone who can truly listen to you and understand you without judgment.

When you speak your thoughts out loud, you begin to organize them in your mind, which helps release some of the emotional weight you are carrying. You might plan an evening with your best friend, take a short trip to visit relatives, call your sister or brother, or simply spend time with the people closest to you. The most important thing is to reach out.

Give New Experiences a Chance

Slowly, the time will come to reconnect with the world again. Why not try something new? Maybe you feel like visiting a new restaurant in your city, joining a yoga or Pilates class, attending a book club, going for a run, hiking in the mountains, or even skiing.

Be open to new opportunities. Try new things, pursue your quiet long-held dreams, join a community, or learn something new. Remember: the experiences you gain always stay with you—you cannot lose them simply because you decided to try. When you focus on activities that bring you joy and give you a sense of progress, it becomes much easier to get over heartbreak and gradually overcome the difficult emotions.

If I’m being honest, reconnecting with yourself might be the best advice I can give. When I went through the breakup of a long-term relationship, I started with small steps: going for coffee alone, spending time in the library, walking through parks and reading books. Sometimes I went for a run, other times to the student gym, or simply explored clothing stores. Each small activity helped me feel that I was still myself—and that I could build a life for me, not one dependent on someone else.

Reflect on Your Previous Relationship

This advice can be one of the most powerful—but only when you are truly ready. Once you feel a bit more stable and want to understand your experience, you can look back and honestly examine what happened without reopening the wound.

Ask yourself honestly:

What did I feel in the relationship, and why?
When was I truly happy, and when was I not?
What was truly important to me in the relationship, and what caused me difficulties?
Did I set healthy boundaries, or did I often ignore them?
How did I respond to conflict and stress?
What are my expectations from a partner?
What does a healthy relationship look like to me?
What flaws did my former partner often point out about me?
What can I work on or improve within myself?
What should I pay more attention to in future partners or relationships?

Now take a notebook or a journal, if you have one, and give yourself a little time. The questions we mentioned can help you understand yourself better—your reactions, your patterns, your triggers, and most importantly, what you truly want in relationships.

When we take the time to reflect on past relationships, we can learn a lot from them. They become a kind of lesson that shows us what worked and what didn’t. And this awareness helps us be more mindful in the future—both about ourselves and about the people we allow into our lives. If we keep repeating the same patterns and mistakes, it becomes very difficult to build something healthier and more stable with a new partner. That is why this step is truly a gift—to yourself and to your future.

Woman sitting on a couch looking at her phone after a breakup thinking about her ex

How Long (Really) Does Healing Take?

One of the questions people almost always ask after a breakup is: How long will it take me to get over my ex?

The truth is, it’s very difficult to give a precise answer. We are all different, and each person experiences a breakup in their own way. Some people may start to feel significantly better after just a few weeks, while others may need several months to truly cope with a breakup and regain their emotional balance.

You may have heard the theory that healing takes about as long as the relationship lasted. But let’s be honest—if someone was in a relationship for ten years, that doesn’t mean they will spend the next ten years grieving. However, it is true that longer and more intense relationships usually involve a somewhat longer healing process.

That’s why it’s important not to stress about a specific timeline. Try not to compare yourself to others or ask yourself every day whether you “should be over it by now.” Give yourself time. Focus on yourself, your life, and new opportunities. Step by step, you will begin to feel that things are getting easier and that you are slowly starting to move on after a breakup.

6 Signs You’re Actually Healing From Heartbreak

When you are going through a breakup, it can sometimes feel like you’re not making any progress—as if you’re stuck in the same place. But in reality, you are often healing more than you realize. You just need to notice the signs more carefully.

Here are a few signs that you are on the right path toward healing:

Your emotions are no longer as intense as they were at the beginning.
At first, every song, photo, or memory might have completely thrown you off balance. Now those moments may still bring some sadness, but they are not as overwhelming and they don’t last as long.
Your ex is no longer the first thought in the morning and the last thought at night.
You may have been thinking about them almost constantly. But now you might notice that several hours—or even an entire day—pass without thinking about them. That’s a very good sign that your mind is slowly letting go.
You have more good days than bad ones.
Difficult days can still happen—and that’s completely normal. But gradually you start noticing more moments when you feel calm, stable, or even genuinely good.
You begin to enjoy things that once made you happy.
Coffee with a friend, a walk, a good book, a movie, or exercise—things that once felt ordinary begin to bring back a sense of joy and normality.
You feel less curious about what your ex is doing.
In the beginning, you might have checked their social media or wondered often about what they were doing. Over time, you may notice that you care less and less.
You start thinking about your life moving forward.
Instead of focusing only on the past, you begin to think about what you want for yourself—where you want to go, what you want to try, and how you want to live your life.