Broken Trust in a Relationship—Can It Be Fixed? Yes, Here’s How
When trust in a relationship falters, it feels like standing at the edge of a cliff with no solid ground beneath us. Everything we once believed in seems to have crumbled. The bridge we walked on has collapsed, and in that moment, it feels like there’s no way back.
But the truth is, trust in relationships isn’t something that can be easily restored. It is something precious, not easily replaced. However, experts claim that rebuilding trust is possible if we choose a path filled with determination and courage.
Dr. Brené Brown, a renowned researcher and author, states that the wounds left by broken trust run deep, but those very wounds can also strengthen us. “Trust is like a porcelain cup,” she says. “When it breaks, you can put it back together. But that doesn’t mean it will be the same as before. Future trust isn’t built on repeated mistakes but on small yet powerful actions.”
And that’s the secret—trust cannot be restored to its previous form, but it can be rebuilt on stronger foundations.
So, if you’re wondering how to rebuild broken trust in a relationship, you’re already on the right path. You just need a few key steps to start rebuilding what was lost. And if you’re ready for this journey, stay with me.
The First Steps to Rebuilding Trust in a Relationship
When trust in a relationship is broken, everything changes. What once felt like a solid foundation now seems almost impossible to rebuild. But like any wound, trust needs time to heal. And just like any healing process, there are no quick fixes.
How do you rebuild trust in a relationship? It’s not something that happens overnight; rather, it’s a process that involves making mistakes and correcting them.
1. Facing the Problem
The first step to rebuilding trust isn’t always pleasant. Relationship issues are often buried under layers of dissatisfaction, anger, or even fear of confrontation.
“Ignoring the problem will only deepen the divide,” says therapist Dr. Harriet Lerner, author of The Dance of Anger.
Start by facing each other without judgment or blame. It’s essential to have an open conversation about what happened, how both of you feel, and why trust was shaken. Create a safe space for communication where every voice is heard, and no one is afraid to express their emotions.
2. Taking Responsibility
When it comes to rebuilding trust, taking responsibility is crucial. If a mistake has been made in the relationship, it must be acknowledged. A sincere apology is a foundation, but it must be backed by actions.
Simply put, words alone aren’t enough. “Recognizing our own mistakes is the first step toward improving the relationship,” emphasizes psychologist Dr. Laura Berman.
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If you want to rebuild trust, you must demonstrate real change through actions. This isn’t just about apologizing with words—it’s about consistent actions that prove your commitment to not repeating past mistakes.
3. Setting Boundaries
Once you’ve started talking about your feelings and taken responsibility, it’s time to focus on the future. Consider what boundaries and expectations you need to maintain a healthy relationship moving forward.
While we may be happy to give our partner freedom, we must also be clear about what is acceptable and what isn’t. This prevents misunderstandings and maintains a sense of security.
“Clear boundaries are a key part of any healthy relationship,” says therapist Dr. Sherrie Campbell.
They ensure that mistakes aren’t repeated and that trust can be reestablished.
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Release Negative Energy and Start Healing
When trust is broken, the first reaction is often anger. But anger isn’t just a surface emotion—it can hide deeper feelings like fear, sadness, or disappointment.
Instead of suppressing it, it’s essential to acknowledge and process it. Anger is often a secondary emotion that acts as a defense mechanism against pain. By releasing it, we not only cleanse our inner selves but also create space for healing the relationship.
Let go of the anger—be patient, be kind to yourself. If you can do this, the energy invested in anger can be redirected into something productive for rebuilding trust.
Trust Means Taking a Risk
Trust is somewhat mysterious – we can’t simply expect someone else to convince our heart to trust again. This means accepting the fact that we might get hurt again. How do you rebuild broken trust in a relationship? By embracing the certainty that we can trust again while also recognizing the possibility of disappointment.
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It’s scary. But if we refuse to take that risk and give up on trusting again, we’ll only prevent ourselves from healing. Risk is a part of relationships. Embrace your vulnerability and understand that trust in the future is a decision you make in the present—not a fear carried over from the past.
Commitment from Both Partners
Rebuilding trust isn’t about a single action or a simple verbal promise. Both partners must commit to staying in the relationship despite past pain. It’s essential to define what each partner needs for the relationship to work again. Communication must be clear, open, and free from blame. Avoid words that fuel conflict, like “never,” “always,” or “you must.” Instead, use phrases that encourage empathy and understanding, such as, “I feel like I want to be important in your life.”
This creates a safe space where both partners can work on restoring the trust that was once broken. When it comes to the question of how to rebuild broken trust in a relationship, there are no quick fixes. Rebuilding trust is a long and sometimes difficult process, but with the right approach and clear commitment from both partners, the relationship can grow back on a stronger foundation. Be patient, open, and willing to invest in your shared future.
Listen to Your Partner’s Perspective
In relationships where trust has been damaged, it’s crucial to put yourself in your partner’s shoes. Consider how they experience the situation. They may feel hurt, confused, or even powerless. Acknowledge that different perspectives exist on the same issue—and that this doesn’t necessarily come from bad intentions. People often react based on their personal experiences and emotions.
When asking how to rebuild broken trust in a relationship, be willing to listen without interrupting or making excuses. True trust restoration requires the ability to accept another person’s viewpoint, even when it feels difficult or different from your own. Only by deeply understanding their reality can you lay the foundation for genuine dialogue that leads to healing.
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Trust Your Intuition
Our intuition is often stronger than we realize. When relationships are tested, it’s essential to rely on your inner judgment. If something feels off—whether it’s through nonverbal cues or a gut feeling—it’s worth paying attention to. And it’s worth talking about.
The key to answering the question of how to rebuild trust in a relationship isn’t just openness toward your partner but also toward yourself. Ignoring unspoken thoughts can lead to even deeper and more painful misunderstandings. If something doesn’t feel right, it might be a sign that open communication is needed to prevent issues from growing.
In relationships where trust has been shaken, be ready to explore all aspects of your reality—both internal and external—and seek the deepest answers in your intuition. Only then can you create space for true healing and relationship growth.
Learn Effective Communication
If we want to understand how to rebuild broken trust in a relationship, we first need to master one fundamental skill—communication. But not just any communication, the kind that is rooted in openness, vulnerability, and a genuine desire to connect.
Too often, we speak only to defend ourselves or justify our actions rather than truly listening. And that’s where the problem begins.
Dr. John Gottman, one of the leading relationship experts, emphasizes that couples who master the “soft start-up” in conversations are much more successful at resolving conflicts (Gottman & Silver, 2015). What does this mean in practice? Instead of saying, “You never tell me how you feel!” try, “I miss our conversations and would love more honesty between us. How do you feel?”
Clear communication isn’t just about expressing your needs but also about accepting your partner’s emotions—even when you don’t fully understand them. When learning how to rebuild broken trust in a relationship, be prepared to hear the truth—not just what you want to hear.
Be True to Your Word and Let Actions Speak
Trust is not something that can be regained with words alone—it must be proven. If you’re wondering how to rebuild broken trust in a relationship, then you already know that an apology by itself isn’t enough. Words can sound convincing, but without actions, they remain empty.
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Psychologist Harriet Lerner emphasizes that one of the biggest myths about trust is that time alone can heal it. Time, on its own, doesn’t fix anything—it’s our repeated actions that truly rebuild trust (Lerner, 2017). This means not making promises we can’t keep and standing by our words—not just once, but consistently.
A partner who has been hurt doesn’t need perfect words; they need proof that the person who broke their trust is willing to put in the effort. Consistency, honesty, and patience are the keys that unlock the door to trust—slowly, but securely.
Acknowledge Your Mistakes—Honestly and Without Excuses
Everyone makes mistakes. We’ve all said or done things we later regret. But what separates those who build strong relationships from those who damage them is how they handle their mistakes.
If you’re thinking about how to rebuild broken trust in a relationship, understand that people don’t lose trust just because of mistakes—they lose it because of how those mistakes are justified. Psychologists Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson explain in their book Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me) how people instinctively defend their actions to protect their ego. However, in relationships, this doesn’t work. Owning a mistake without making excuses shows your partner that you genuinely care (Tavris & Aronson, 2007).
Don’t rush to ask for forgiveness. Instead, give your partner space to process their emotions. Let your actions show that you have learned from the experience—not just to save the relationship, but because you truly want to be a better person. This is the only way to slowly rebuild trust.
If You Choose to Forgive, Let Go of the Past
When someone breaks our trust, the pain is real and deep. You might want the person who hurt you to be constantly reminded of how much pain they caused—to fully understand the consequences of their actions. But if you truly want to learn how to rebuild broken trust in a relationship, you need to understand that constantly revisiting the past doesn’t build bridges—it destroys them.
This doesn’t mean suppressing or ignoring your pain. Criticism, punishment, or quiet revenge won’t bring the true connection and sense of security you long for. Instead, it’s important to express your feelings openly but without blame. For example: “I’m still learning to trust you, and sometimes old doubts resurface, but I want to work on this.” This opens space for conversation, not defensiveness.
If you decide to forgive, allow yourself to truly move forward. Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting—it means not letting the past dictate the future.
