13 Emotional Manipulation Tactics You Need To Know About

To some extent, we are all manipulative, but emotional manipulators go even deeper. The game of manipulation can be easily played with human emotions and beliefs. In the journal Personal Relationship, a new study was published where researchers aimed to thoroughly explore emotional manipulation tactics in relationships to better understand their impact. All participants provided detailed descriptions of when and how they had been subjected to emotional manipulation in the past. They reported that their partners accused them of being incompetent, overly emotional, or even emotionally unstable, with researchers finding that these tactics diminish a person’s sense of self-worth.

A few years ago, a study was also conducted by Facebook and researchers from Cornell University. It involved the emotional manipulation of 689,003 Facebook users. It was done in such a way that some individuals only saw posts that were of a negative nature, while others saw positive and inspirational ones.

Facebook received numerous criticisms as the participants were not informed about the study. But more concerning than that is the fact that a social network can so easily manipulate people’s emotions. Those who were exposed to negative posts tended to also post mostly negative content themselves. Meanwhile, others surrounded by inspirational posts were themselves more positively inclined and less irritable.

What is emotional manipulation?

Emotional manipulation tactics are a sophisticated art through which manipulators successfully influence the emotions, thoughts, and decisions of another person, often without full awareness. As Carl Jung wisely expressed: “Until we make the unconscious conscious, it will direct our lives and we will call it fate.”

On the surface, emotional manipulation may appear as kindness, empathy, or attention, but behind it often lies a hidden agenda to make the other person feel guilty, unworthy, or powerless. For example, imagine you have a friend who always emphasizes how much they love you and how they would do anything for you. However, you notice that something strange happens whenever you have a different opinion or disagree with them. Instead of listening to you, they start to feel offended and blame you for not understanding them. You feel confused and guilty, even though you simply expressed your opinion.

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These emotional manipulation tactics can also occur in romantic relationships. For instance, your partner repeatedly expresses how unhappy they are if you disagree with them on minor things, such as choosing a restaurant or a movie to watch. Although you initially had different plans, you eventually agreed with them because you didn’t want them to feel bad. Gradually, you realize that you are suppressing your own desires more and more to maintain peace in the relationship.

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It’s important to note that emotional manipulation is not always obvious, but it can cause significant harm to our emotional well-being as well as to the relationship. Therefore, it is important to be aware of the subtle signs of emotional manipulation tactics and learn to set boundaries to maintain your emotional integrity.

We recognize several types of manipulation

• Emotional manipulation (The manipulator employs exaggeration, playing the victim, guilt-tripping, coercion, and other emotional tools.)
• Information manipulation (Here, the manipulator consciously conceals or alters information to create a specific impression.)
• Financial manipulation (The manipulator uses deceit, fraud, exploitation, or deception to achieve their financial goals.)
• Social manipulation
• “Positive” manipulation (The manipulator uses false kindness or approaches the person with insincere friendship or false promises.)
• Sexual manipulation (Involves exploiting sexual relationships and intimacy.)
• Intellectual manipulation (The manipulator uses arguments, logic, or facts to persuade others to accept certain ideas or positions.)
• Physical manipulation (Involves physical violence, threats, coercion for control, or restriction of movement.)
• Time manipulation (This includes procrastination, avoiding agreed deadlines, and deliberately creating pressure to force others to accept their demands.)

Emotional manipulation tactics you need to know to protect yourself.

1. Person always tries to devalue your emotions

You know that situation when you tell someone that their words hurt you, but instead of an apology, you receive a response like: “You’re being too dramatic” or “You’re overly sensitive.” This common form of manipulation leads to feelings of inferiority and helplessness. The tactic of devaluing emotions is based on diminishing the importance of our feelings.

This often happens when a person disregards our emotions or tells us that those feelings are not important and that we are exaggerating. In such situations, we often start to doubt our feelings and beliefs, and begin to think that maybe this person is right. We withdraw into our thoughts until we lose so much confidence that we don’t even want to continue the conversation. This manipulative behavior often affects self-esteem and self-confidence. The lesson here is to be aware of this emotional manipulation tactic and set boundaries to protect our feelings.

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2. Guilt induction tactic

Emotional manipulators can use guilt against you to get what they want. For example, you’re at work and your colleague, who is often overwhelmed, asks you to do a task that is actually their responsibility. When you mention this to them, they start mentioning everything they’ve done for you in the past and how you owe them.

This puts you in an uncomfortable position because you feel guilty if you refuse their request. By constantly reminding you of past mistakes, they often want you to feel obligated, says therapist Saba Harouni Lurie, founder of Take Root Therapy. We all sometimes unconsciously use this manipulation tactic, but a skillful emotional manipulator uses it on everyone around them.

3. The person tells you that “EVERYONE” agrees

This is an emotional manipulation tactic where the manipulator instills fear and doubt. This happens when the manipulator says that everyone (whether friends, relatives, or colleagues) agrees with them that what you did (or what you’re doing, thinking) is bad, wrong, rude, or abnormal. Similarly, this can happen in a romantic relationship.

For example, you express your desire for a change in the relationship, and then your partner says, “All my friends agree that your demands are ridiculous and unrealistic.” This creates a feeling that you are alone with your desires and that your feelings are unjustified. Children use a similar tactic when, for example, they say that “EVERYONE” got a bad grade, in this way trying to diminish the feeling of guilt or responsibility for their actions.

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5. They say one thing, and later they convince you it’s not true

Has it ever happened to you that someone tried to convince you of something, and later claimed they didn’t say it that way? Confusing, isn’t it? Eventually, you start to believe that even the manipulator is right, so you shut your mouth, and comply. This tactic of emotional manipulation is also called “gaslighting,” it is extremely insidious and can cause serious confusion and doubt in one’s own perception of reality.

For example: At work, your boss promises to assign you a certain task that will be important for your career advancement. After a few weeks, when you remind them of this promise and ask for fulfillment, the boss claims they never promised anything like that or that you misunderstood the situation.

In any case, it is important to protect your perception of reality and stand up for yourself. Taking notes during conversations can help maintain the clarity and credibility of your memories and prevent manipulation by the other person.

6. Treated like a child

The manipulator treats their victim as if they were a child or, in other words, less capable. In doing so, they attempt to diminish the victim’s self-confidence and take control over them. This tactic can be particularly destructive as it can lead to feelings of helplessness, lack of confidence, and dependence on the manipulator.

For example, imagine you’re an employee and your supervisor always treats you as if you’re incapable of performing tasks on your own. No matter how well you do your job, the supervisor constantly micromanages you, interferes with your decisions, and treats you as if you don’t have enough knowledge to work independently.

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7. Playing on insecurity

Playing on insecurity is one of the most common tactics of emotional manipulation used by manipulators. It involves exploiting a person’s insecurities and feelings of shame, allowing the manipulator to achieve their goals and maintain control over the situation.

Imagine you’re in a romantic relationship where your partner knows that it’s important for you to feel loved and accepted. If your partner is an emotional manipulator, they can exploit your sensitivity by accusing you of being selfish or insignificant. This will press on your deep childhood wound, where you may have felt neglected or unimportant, and prompt you to do whatever it takes to avoid feeling shame and inadequacy.

Similarly, this tactic can also be used in a professional environment. If your superior knows that you fear failure or criticism, they may subject you to criticism or accusations of incompetence, triggering your sense of shame and the desire to prove yourself as capable and competent.

In life, there is often a saying: “If someone doesn’t like you, they don’t like you. If someone likes you, they like you.” Emotional manipulators can exploit this by putting you in a position where you feel insignificant or uncomfortable, and then exploit your desire to be loved and accepted to achieve their goals.

8. Love bombing

Love bombing is like a sudden shower of flowers on the first date – sweet, but sometimes overly intense. It is a tactic where someone excessively shows affection, admiration, and care, quickly creating intimacy and trust. It can manifest through lavish gifts, declarations of love, or simply through excessive time and attention devoted to the victim.

For example, at the beginning of a new relationship, your partner showers you with attention, compliments, and gifts. At first glance, this may seem wonderful, but over time, it can become too much. You may start to doubt whether these expressions of love are genuine or merely a means to achieve hidden goals.

This tactic can lead to the feeling that you are the sole source of happiness and satisfaction for your partner. This can put you in a position where you feel responsible for their well-being, while also feeling trapped or suffocated in the relationship.

9. Stifling victim’s progress

It’s a subtle but very effective tactic of emotional manipulation, where a person changes the rules of the game in the middle, making it difficult or even preventing the success of another person. This can manifest through setting additional conditions to achieve a goal or emphasizing elements that disqualify the success of the other person.

For example, if you find yourself in a situation where you’re trying to achieve a certain goal or accomplish something important, the manipulator may suddenly impose additional requirements or conditions that you must meet to achieve this goal. This may include unexpected rule changes that prevent you from successfully completing the task or achieving the goal.

10. Triangulation

Triangulation is a sophisticated manipulative tactic where the manipulator involves a third person in the conflict between two others to ensure that their side “wins” the argument. This can be expressed through choosing a third person who is likely to support the manipulator, or the manipulator may preemptively provide information that favors their side.

For example, if you’re in conflict with someone and the manipulator decides to involve you in triangulation, they may draw in a third person who they know will support their side. This person may support the manipulator or provide an opinion that is favorable to them, giving the impression that the manipulator is “right” and that you are “wrong”.

11. Lying

Lying is one of the most basic and common forms of emotional manipulation. When a manipulator lies or distorts the truth, they attempt to manipulate the emotions of others to achieve their goals and avoid responsibility.
Lying can manifest in various ways, from distorting facts to completely fabricating stories. For example, someone may lie about their actions to avoid punishment or responsibility for their mistakes. They may also lie about their feelings or intentions to gain favor or sympathy from others.

12. Ignoring

Ignoring a person is a highly effective form of emotional manipulation that can cause feelings of disconnect and loneliness in any relationship. When someone intentionally ignores us, they are trying to disapprove or punish our behavior or decisions.
This can be manifested through ignoring messages, calls, and presence, without any explanation. This manipulative tactic can push us into uncertainty, confusion, and a feeling of insignificance.

13. Generalization

Generalization is another subtle form of emotional manipulation tactic, where stereotypes or general statements are used. This tactic is often used to induce feelings of weakness, shame, or guilt in the victim for our behavior.
For example, if you find yourself in conflict with a partner and they start using general statements like “You always make the same mistake” or “You never listen to me,” it can cause feelings of helplessness and guilt in you. Instead of focusing on a specific situation or action, the manipulator generalizes your behavior or traits, leading to feelings of helplessness and unworthiness.

Generalization is often seen in public discourse or media, where certain groups of people are stereotyped or demonized based on their affiliations. This leads to the spread of prejudice, discrimination, and unfair treatment of people.