How To Stop Being Shy And Become More Open And Outgoing

Do you ever feel like shyness is holding you back? Maybe you wanted to ask your crush out on a date, but you were simply too afraid of rejection. Or perhaps you trembled with nervousness before a public performance. Such moments can be tense, but shyness doesn’t always have to be an obstacle. Let me help you by introducing some tricks to stop being shy and become more open and confident.

While shyness can sometimes be awkward and deprive us of friendships or interesting experiences, it’s important to remember that it’s not always bad. Shyness can make us better listeners and observers.

”The shell must break before the bird can fly.”

— Tennyson

Causes of shyness development

We develop shyness for many reasons, and they often intertwine and influence an individual’s behavior. The most common causes include low self-esteem, overthinking consequences, upbringing, lack of confidence, and the environment in which we grow up. All these influences can be summarized as the foundations upon which shyness is built.

Interestingly, shyness is not something innate. Research has confirmed this, as children do not experience shyness until around the age of two when they begin to develop self-awareness and awareness of others. It is then that the first feelings of embarrassment and fear of how others see and judge them emerge.

To a large extent, shyness arises from fears hidden deep within us. We fear that we will not perform well, that we won’t be entertaining enough, or that we simply won’t be liked by others. But in most cases, these are just constructs of our imagination.

Therefore, it’s worth evaluating your assumptions, predictions, and beliefs that are deeply rooted, and considering other possibilities that could give you the courage to meet new people and become more open in social settings.

Tricks to Stop Being Shy and Become More Open

1. Visualization

Visualization is a powerful tool that can help you overcome shyness. Understand that changes won’t happen overnight. You’ll need time, patience, awareness, and gradual steps to achieve the desired result. One of the first steps is visualization, a technique that allows you to create a vivid mental image of your confident and open self.

Start by finding a quiet and comfortable place where you can relax. Sit or lie down, close your eyes, and take a deep breath. Imagine yourself in a social situation where you want to be more confident. Maybe you want to make new friends at a party, express your opinion at a family lunch, or simply approach someone you’re interested in. In your imagination, clearly and precisely picture yourself confidently approaching these situations, speaking with ease, and enjoying the interaction.

Visualization helps you mentally prepare for specific situations you want to face. When you frequently imagine these scenarios, your subconscious will start to believe they are real and achievable. Over time, you’ll feel your confidence improving.

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2. Confidence-Building exercises

One of the most effective ways to stop being shy is to practice confidence-building exercises. Start with small steps and be consistent.

Affirmations have become a popular technique in recent years. Take a few minutes each day to repeat positive statements about yourself, such as: “I am confident,” “I trust myself,” or “I am worthy of respect.” Make these affirmations part of your morning routine to start the day with a sense of empowerment.

How often do you catch yourself being harsh on yourself? Criticizing yourself? I think we all do this from time to time. So, in the future, pay attention to how you talk to yourself. If you catch yourself thinking negatively, immediately reframe it into something more positive. Instead of “I will never be good enough,” say, “I am improving every day.”

3. Feeling good in your own skin

When we feel good in our skin, facing others and their opinions is easier. Once you feel good about yourself and start accepting yourself 100%, you will easily stop being shy, and your approach will become much more confident.

Take care of yourself. So, what positively influences you? Physical activity, healthy eating, enough sleep, a self-care routine, a bath, a massage? Include these in your daily life to feel good physically and mentally, which will reflect in your confidence.

One of the most important steps in overcoming shyness is learning to accept yourself and your body. When you feel good in your skin, it’s easier to face others and their opinions. Start with small steps and gradually build a positive relationship with yourself.

A well-kept wardrobe can also contribute to feeling better. Wear clothes in which you feel comfortable, and confident, and that you personally like. When you feel confident in your outfit, you’ll also be more relaxed and open in social situations.

4. Seeking feedback

Open up to opinions and advice to better understand how others perceive you in social situations. This will also give you insight into areas you can work on.

To make it easier, start with people who are closer to you. Ask friends: “How did I do at the meeting?” or “Did I seem relaxed during the conversation?” Ask classmates what they noticed during your public performance if you have a presentation in class. Their answers can help you recognize areas for improvement.

5. Letting go of the fear of what others think of you

One of the biggest challenges people create for themselves is worrying about what others think of them. But if we constantly worry about how others judge us, it’s often the main reason why we withdraw from social situations and fear how we will present ourselves to others.

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This mentality can silently destroy you and prevent you from enjoying life. Therefore, it’s important to realize that the thoughts and opinions others have are just theirs. Don’t create unnecessary stress and anxiety over what others think of you. You can’t please everyone; we all have different tastes and preferences, and that’s perfectly normal. Instead of focusing on others, focus on being true to yourself and your values.

6. Don’t focus on fears and your thoughts

The next time you find yourself in a social situation, try not to focus too much on your thoughts and fears. Adjust your mindset to the present moment. Be present and push away all unnecessary fears. Don’t let thoughts like, “What do others think of me?”, “Do I look good?”, “Did I say something wrong?”, “Are they judging me?” or “Can I share my opinion?” take over. Instead, focus on what’s happening around you. Listen to your conversation partners, pay attention to their words, and engage in the interaction.

7. Practice good posture

Shyness often manifests in physical posture—shoulders pushed forward, upper spine curved, and eyes often directed toward the ground. Your body language speaks volumes about how you feel and how others perceive you.

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Start with simple exercises to improve your posture. Stand before a mirror, lift your head high, push your shoulders back, and try to keep your spine straight. Adjust your posture so that your arms are open and relaxed by your sides.

This will help you feel more confident and assertive, and it will signal to others that you are open to communication. Alongside body posture, practicing eye contact is crucial. When we are shy, we often avoid eye contact, which can give the impression that we are disinterested or insecure.

8. Prepare and practice your speech

When we are unprepared and find ourselves in unexpected situations, shyness can manifest as incoherence, silence, stuttering, or speaking softly. To overcome shyness, it’s essential to prepare and think through what you want to say before starting a conversation.

Begin with simple exercises at home. Stand in front of a mirror, take a deep breath, and start speaking. Maintain eye contact with your reflection, straighten your posture, and observe your expressions.

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One trick is to record yourself speaking. Choose a topic (or if you’re preparing for a public speech) and record yourself. When you listen to the recording, pay attention to how you sound. Is your voice clear and understandable? Are there pauses or stutters? Analyze your speech and work on improvements.

9. Be aware of your shortcomings

One of the important tricks for overcoming shyness is self-awareness. When you enter a social environment, be mindful of yourself, your body, your speech, and the thoughts running through your head.

Observe what’s happening with your body. Maybe your hands are sweating, you avoid eye contact, or you use your phone and headphones to avoid interactions with others.

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Once you’ve identified your shortcomings, your task is to create a plan to overcome them. For instance, if you avoid eye contact, set a goal to make eye contact and smile the next time you talk to a stranger. When you receive a compliment, instead of feeling uncomfortable, try to smile and simply say thank you.

Small steps like these will help you gradually feel more confident regardless of the situation you find yourself in.

10. Don’t label yourself

Stop labeling yourself as “shy.” This label can become a self-fulfilling prophecy, limiting you and preventing you from developing and overcoming your fears. Instead of viewing shyness as an inevitable part of your personality, start thinking of it as a temporary obstacle that you will soon overcome.

Shyness is not something that defines you; we all have our fears and traumas that manifest in different areas. This doesn’t mean you have to accept these shortcomings as defining traits.

11. Challenge yourself and start a conversation

Are you ready for challenges? Set challenges for yourself and start a conversation with someone you’ve never spoken to before. It could be your neighbor, a colleague, or even someone you meet at the store. Set small, achievable challenges for yourself and track your progress.

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Start with simple steps. For example, compliment a woman on the street who is wearing a nice dress. Or when you see a neighbor whom you usually just greet with a smile or nod, approach them and start a conversation. You could begin by asking how their day has been.

These simple conversations will help you get used to interacting with new people and gradually gain more confidence and openness in social settings.

12. Appreciate your strengths

Just because you’re not always the center of attention at social events doesn’t mean you lack the social power or that you’re inferior because of it. Each of us has strengths that make us unique. And I think we all feel shy sometimes.

Recognize and appreciate your strengths. If you’re good at observing people’s moods and expressions, that’s a great advantage because you’ll always know how to approach and respond effectively. Are you a good listener? That’s an incredibly valuable skill. In a world where many like to talk but few listen, your ability to listen is something special. Listening is also a crucial part of communication skills.