Quick and Effective Ways to Stop Seeking Validation From Others

Did you know that seeking excessive validation from others hinders the building of self-confidence? And that research shows decision-making based on others’ opinions leads to exhaustion and anxiety? Well, today we’ll talk precisely about that. More and more people are encountering unstable relationships with themselves, consequently leading to an increasing trend of seeking validation from others. If we seek a common denominator, it’s certainly belongingness. You don’t need to strain yourself to stop seeking validation from others; let me introduce you to effective techniques.

If you want to figure out where you’re stuck and if you’re excessively seeking validation elsewhere, take a quick inventory within yourself:

• How often do you feel dissatisfied or unsure if you don’t receive positive comments or approval from others?
• Do your decisions and actions overly focus on the opinions and expectations of other people?
• Do you often wonder what others would think or want before making important decisions or taking actions?
• Does criticism or disapproval quickly hurt you and put you in a negative mood or feelings of unworthiness?
• Do you often compare yourself to others and use social media as a source of validation?
• Do you avoid expressing your own opinions and desires if you believe it could negatively impact others’ opinions?
• Do you feel uncomfortable or lacking in confidence when expressing your own ideas or desires because you fear disapproval?
• Does your satisfaction with achievements vary greatly depending on whether others notice and praise them?

(If you answered YES to most of the questions, continue below)

The roots of seeking validation from others

It’s in human nature to seek validation in the eyes of others while simultaneously desiring inclusion and acceptance. In the early stages of human journeying, this was linked to our survival; any rejection at that time triggered fear. So, if someone was pushed away from the group, their life was endangered.

Consequently, our brains and behavior adapted to avoid disapproval from others and strive for acceptance. But today, we are no longer cave dwellers hunting in groups for food and defending against danger, so we no longer need this fear.

However, this doesn’t mean we don’t need a social connection; quite the opposite. Research by Dr. Matthew Lieberman emphasizes that social connection is as important for survival as food and water. We all seek a certain level of external validation as a way to feel connected and accepted, so your aim should not be to eliminate this entirely.

Your aim should be to assess how much others actually influence you and your decisions. That’s why I emphasized the importance of examining yourself; if you’re living your life based on the decisions and opinions of others, then you really need to take action.

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Even as children, our role models were parents, teachers, family, and friends, whom we wanted to please, imitated, and were happy to receive their praise. Now that we’re adults, regardless of everything, we’ll always be pleased with praise and less pleased with rejection, which is entirely normal. But we don’t always need to please others, especially when it comes to life-important decisions such as marriage, career, job, or choosing a partner.

The consequences of seeking validation from others can be significant

When consciously or unconsciously changing our views and adapting to others’ opinions just to be accepted. When we praise others, even if not sincerely, but with the intention of being likable. When we always say YES to all requests and proposals that demand our time. When we don’t speak up when injustice happens or when someone greatly exceeds our boundaries. We know we’ve fallen into the abyss of seeking validation at every turn. Here are the consequences that will give you a reason to quickly stop seeking validation from others:

• Instead of building self-confidence and self-acceptance, we can get caught in the whirlwind of external opinions and approval.
• We can become vulnerable to manipulation or exploitation.
• Neglecting our own desires, needs, and worth, leading to a sense of emptiness and powerlessness.
• Problems arise with decision-making, as worries come: What will others think or how will they react?

Trying to please everyone around us, be it parents, partners, bosses, and so on, is possible, but it will exhaust you and greatly diminish your satisfaction. Why live life according to others when you can take on the role and live by your own principles, values, and dreams? You won’t believe it, but when I started blogging, I received a lot of negative comments, which didn’t stop me or change my mind. I enjoy building this site, I enjoy learning and improving, I enjoy finding ways and exploring to give it my all.

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I want to tell you this too, regardless of what desire you have, and even if everyone around you finds your idea funny or boring, listen to your intuition and follow it. I don’t talk much about my blogging journey, and for a reason, so I don’t need to hear comments from people who don’t believe in me. Let me now equip you with tips to stop seeking validation from others.

How to Stop Seeking Validation from Others

Your task is to become more conscious, observe your behavior, and notice to whom you’re relinquishing your decisions that should be yours to make. Your goal isn’t to completely stop seeking validation from others, because as we’ve said, it’s important to receive input from others and foster a sense of belonging.

Develop a sense of self-worth

While our purpose on this planet is to serve others, it doesn’t mean our sole purpose is to please others. Take a moment alone and discover your values. Write them down on a piece of paper (What do you allow? What don’t you allow others to do to you? What do you want from yourself? What’s your purpose? What are your dreams? Where do you want to be? Do you feel good in your relationships? What does your intuition say?).

There’s a variety of questions you can use for self-discovery; now it’s your task to incorporate those answers into your mind. If you desire an artistic career, but your parents oppose and suggest a career in a law firm, you know what you need to do, right?

You’ll also strengthen your sense of self-worth by expressing yourself and firmly stating what you want. Don’t hide behind a facade and limit yourself to avoid others having a bad opinion or desiring to judge. Why regret things because of other people? We all need advice sometimes, but advice should remain advice; ultimately, we’re the ones who make decisions.

Explore your history

To stop excessively seeking external validation, the first step is understanding what leads you to this behavior in the first place. Let’s consider the example of a child who constantly seeks praise from parents for every action. This child might deeply believe that they’re worthy of love and acceptance only if they do something “right” or “good.” However, when they do something wrong, they no longer feel deserving of love and warmth.

Such beliefs can stem from childhood, when we formed independence and understanding of our own worth. Speaking of independence, we cannot develop independence if our situations and decisions are made by parents or others. We learn from experiences, mistakes, and even incorrect and thoughtless decisions. If we let our parents make our decisions, we’ll develop a fear in adulthood of venturing into the world and being open to new opportunities, relationships, and changes. Through this description, I’ve outlined a scenario I’m familiar with.

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Once we recognize where our need for external validation comes from, we can begin to address these deep-seated beliefs. We can only change thinking patterns through conscious action and acting differently at the right moment than we’re used to so far.

Predicting outcome

Humans tend to have the inclination that when we fall or fail, we lose the desire to try again. If your goal didn’t succeed the first time, don’t assume it won’t succeed the second time. If we don’t give ourselves a chance, we’ll never know what the result or outcome could be. Always give yourself a chance and don’t harbor doubts. What succeeded for your role models can also succeed for you.

Reduce comparisons with others

To stop seeking validation from others, we encounter an obstacle in today’s world: social media. Most people post incredible adventures and beauties from their lives, which we as users constantly compare ourselves to. Some time ago, I realized how much time I spent looking at other people’s lives.

Surely, some people can be a good inspiration while others represent “perfection.” However, I still wonder, is everything I see real? Nevertheless, I want to emphasize building a healthy relationship with social media. Browse and spend time on things that truly benefit you and make you feel good. And whenever you catch yourself comparing, return to your life and build a temple of gratitude.

Focus on your positive qualities and be true to yourself

Instead of focusing on your flaws, turn to your strengths. Make a list of things you appreciate and love about yourself, and focus on these qualities. This list can serve as a clear indicator of why you, as an individual, are worthy of respect. Be aware that you have plenty of positive qualities that you can develop.

If you want to improve, set goals for yourself, but don’t dwell on not being good enough as you are. Every failure is just an opportunity for learning and growth. It’s important to realize that the path to success isn’t always easy and requires hard work and persistence. Don’t give up at the first failure, as you can always become better and improve in what you do.

To strengthen loyalty to yourself, don’t set unrealistic expectations for yourself. Understand that perfection doesn’t exist. That will help you stop seeking validation from others.

Surround yourself with non-forcing opinion holders

Surround yourself with someone you can call and ask for their opinion. Some people in our lives don’t respect certain boundaries and will try to impose their opinions on our decisions based on their perspective. Instead, choose people with whom you can have discussions but who will under no circumstances force their opinion on you; instead, they will sincerely support you with their opinion, and that’s it.

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From people who enjoy imposing their opinions, expect negative comments even if you decide according to your own will. But don’t let this stop you; you know why you made a certain decision, and stick to it clearly. After all, you will be the one bearing the consequences and experiences of a particular decision or step. Set clear boundaries so that you don’t create a life just because they said so. Change the subject, leave the meeting, or spend more time with people who will accept you regardless of your decisions and way of life.

Observe your body language

Observing your own body language promotes internal connection. As beings with connected mind, body, and soul, we perceive every change, event, and relationship differently. When we observe our body language, we become aware of suppressed emotions. Example: You have a colleague in front of whom you constantly wear a mask, always agree with him, dare not express your opinion because you feel he might explode, always give him compliments, even if you don’t mean it.

If you find yourself in such a situation, carefully observe the tension in your body, feelings, and thoughts. And ask yourself why you’re doing this? What fear is present?

Practice self-reflection

You probably knew this would be one of my points too. Self-reflection is an excellent tool and remedy for many everyday problems, facing fears, and feelings. Write, write, write, feelings, thoughts, progress, reasons why you seek validation from others, opinions, desires, what you will do to change it, basically everything related to the change you want to introduce. Believe me, this will be very useful in the future when you can analyze yourself and better understand, and at the same time stop seeking validation from others

Conclusion

Using these quick and effective ways to stop seeking validation can truly change your life. Remember, your worth isn’t dependent on whether others approve of you; it comes from within yourself. Together, we can break free from the cycle of seeking validation and step into our authentic selves with confidence and self-belief.

If you found this article helpful, why not share it with friends and family? Together, we can inspire others to embark on their journey of personal growth and stop seeking validation. 🤍