11 Hidden Signs Your Partner Isn’t Really Supporting You
When you’re in a relationship, you expect to feel safe. The feeling that someone has your back – in success and failure, in confusion and doubt, in joy and sadness. But sometimes that support isn’t there. And even if you have a partner by your side every day, you can still feel completely alone. That’s one of the first signs of an unsupportive partner – the feeling of being emotionally alone, even when someone is physically with you.
Licensed psychologist Dr. Danielle Forshee explained to Bustle that psychological and emotional support form the healthy core of a relationship – that’s the part where you feel heard, accepted, and safe. Without that, the relationship becomes more of a co-existence than a real connection. And even if we try to ignore it, the body speaks differently – studies show that emotionally unsupportive partners directly affect stress levels and even the physical health of their partner.
Researchers at Binghamton University in New York studied 191 couples and found that positive partner support lowers the stress hormone cortisol. At the same time, people feel more relaxed, stable, and connected. If you constantly miss those feelings – if your inner experiences go unnoticed, your struggles go unheard, and your dreams lack encouragement – it might be time to face the truth. In this article, I’ll help you recognize the signs of an unsupportive partner, explain what might be behind it, and how to move forward.
11 Signs of an Unsupportive Partner
1. Lots Of Promises, Little Action
Does your partner often say things like “I promise, next time will be different,” but nothing ever really changes? One of the most common signs of an unsupportive partner is just that – they make big promises but take little action. Sure, we all forget things or mess up sometimes, but it becomes a real issue when it keeps happening over and over again.
Trust in a relationship isn’t built through perfection, but by aligning actions with words. Psychologists say that unfulfilled promises leave an emotional mark – a sense of disappointment, uncertainty, and doubt. If you find yourself constantly looking forward to something that never happens, it’s more than a misunderstanding. It’s a sign your feelings and expectations aren’t being taken seriously – at least not enough to be followed by real effort.
2. It’s Always About Them
Have you ever felt like everything revolves around them? Their problems, their stress, their successes. Yours? As if they don’t even exist? That’s a classic sign you have an unsupportive partner – someone who sees only one person in the relationship: themselves.
A supportive partner is also curious about you – what’s bothering you, what matters to you, what you dream about. In a healthy relationship, both partners are heard. Therapist Esther Perel points out that a one-sided dynamic isn’t just exhausting – it can lead to a loss of identity. When you’re constantly adjusting to someone else, you slowly start forgetting yourself. And no one deserves that.
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3. Your Feelings Are Brushed Aside
You say something honest, and get: “Why are you making such a big deal?” or “It’s not that bad.” Sound familiar? One of the strongest signs of an emotionally unsupportive partner is when your emotions simply aren’t taken seriously.
When someone mocks your sadness or ignores your anxiety, they’re sending a message: “Your inner world doesn’t matter.” And that hurts. Over time, you may start doubting yourself – wondering if you’re overreacting. But you’re not. Your emotions are valid. And if your partner can’t (or won’t) accept, hear, or understand them, you’re not the problem. It’s a clear sign the emotional support just isn’t there.
4. They Avoid Difficult Conversations
Every relationship has moments when hard conversations are necessary. But an unsupportive partner backs away, changes the subject, or disappears emotionally – or physically. Why? Because ignoring things feels easier than feeling them. But without vulnerable conversations, there can be no real closeness.
Couples therapists often highlight: if your partner avoids every talk that involves feelings, boundaries, or changes, they’re showing they don’t want to (or don’t know how to) connect with you on a deeper level. And without space for honest talk, there’s no space for growth.
5. They Don’t Care About Your Wins
You share good news, and their reaction is flat? Or even jealous? Being in a relationship means celebrating each other – just as you’re there for the hard times, you should be genuinely excited for the good ones.
What does support look like in a relationship? Among other things, it’s your partner truly sharing your joy. If your success is met with silence or even tension, it’s a serious sign that emotional support is missing. Support doesn’t just mean someone shows up when things fall apart – it also means standing by you with joy when life is good. And if that’s not happening… well, you deserve more.
6. They Frequently Let You Down
It’s easy to be there when life is light. When there’s a birthday to celebrate or champagne to drink after a win. But a supportive partner shows up even when the world feels heavy – when you need quiet company or a hug without explanation.
If you keep wondering whether your partner will actually show up – whether they’ll be there, respond, support you – then it’s time to ask yourself: Why not? It means that your moments – your life – are not a priority. And that is one of the strongest signs of an unsupportive partner.
7. They’re Not There During Hard Times
When life gets complicated – illness, loss, stress, moving, job changes – the true face of love is revealed. One of the most painful signs that you’re dealing with an emotionally unsupportive partner is this: when things get tough, they disappear. They become emotionally absent. Passive. Sometimes even confused or angry because you’re not okay.
Psychologist Jonathan Bennett says that a partner who pulls away when things get real is not ready to grow with you. Maybe they’re only capable of “easy love” – but life, and real relationships, are sometimes hard. And we need someone who knows how to stay.
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8. They’re Simply Not There When You Need Them
It’s that silence that hurts. You’re going into surgery – and you go alone. You’re having an emotional breakdown – and you get, “You’ll be fine, right?” Something important happens – and there’s no word, no presence from them.
Sometimes this absence hurts not just because they’re gone – but because it shows you’re alone in the relationship. And that’s not a relationship, that’s coexisting. If you’re always left alone with your feelings, crises, and struggles – you’re dealing with an unsupportive partner. And that’s something you shouldn’t ignore, because emotional emptiness doesn’t fill itself.
9. They Frequently Criticize and Rarely Compliment
If your partner constantly criticizes your ideas, your personality, your looks, your dreams… and rarely (if ever) praises your efforts, your strength, your dedication – that’s not constructive criticism. That’s the destruction of self-confidence. And it’s something people do when they don’t know how to be a safe anchor in a relationship.
Many experts warn that an emotionally unsupportive partner often uses criticism as a form of control – or they’re projecting their own dissatisfaction onto you. But emotionally healthy love is built on encouragement, praise, and the feeling that you are enough – exactly as you are.
10. They Dismiss Your Wishes, Needs, and Goals
What do you want? What do you dream of? How do you imagine your life in five years? If your partner just shrugs at these questions – or even mocks your goals – then you’re not in a relationship that supports you. You’re in a relationship that weighs you down.
One of the main questions when we ask what does support look like in a relationship is this: Does my partner believe in me?
If they label your dreams as “silly” or “unrealistic,” then it’s time for you to start believing in yourself. Because someone not believing in your future doesn’t mean you don’t have one. It just means they can’t see it. And that’s not your problem.
11. They Don’t Stand Up For You In Front Of Others
In public, they act like they don’t even know you. Or worse – they make jokes at your expense in front of others. They don’t defend you when they should – when it matters most. When there’s conflict with other people, they stay silent. Or worse – they take the other person’s side.
Dealing with an unsupportive partner also means recognizing these subtle humiliations that others may not notice – but you feel deeply. A partner who truly supports you will be your ally. Always. And they won’t let the world break you down – least of all by doing it themselves.
How To Deal With An Unsupportive Partner
It’s not always easy to recognize that you’re in a relationship with an emotionally unsupportive partner. But once you do – you’re left with the tough question: Now what? Many people delay, sweep things under the rug, or tell themselves, “It’s not that bad.” But deep down, they feel the emptiness.
Here are a few key steps to help you face an unsupportive partner – without losing yourself in the process.
Tell Them What Hurts
It sounds obvious, but it’s not. Many people in relationships never say what truly hurts them. They wait for their partner to “figure it out.” But not everyone is intuitive – sometimes, they truly don’t know how to support you. Don’t guess – speak.
Example:
❌ “I feel bad.”
✅ “I feel lonely when you’re not there for me during big moments. Can you help me feel more seen and important?”
Use I-Statements, Not Accusations
Blame closes hearts. But I-statements? Those can open doors. When you speak about your feelings without pointing fingers, your partner is more likely to hear you – rather than shut down in defense. And emotional defensiveness is common in emotionally unsupportive partners.
Try this:
🗣️ “When you tell me I’m overreacting when I’m sad, it hurts me. In those moments, I need your closeness – not minimization.”
Watch How They Respond – And Be Honest With Yourself
Not every relationship is a puzzle you can solve. After you’ve spoken, asked, and shared your vulnerability – there comes a time to stop focusing on words and start observing actions. One of the clearest signs you have an unsupportive partner is that nothing changes – even after multiple conversations and heartfelt explanations.
If their response to your feelings is cold, cynical, passive-aggressive, or always ends with “you’re too sensitive,” ask yourself: Am I in a relationship that heals me – or one that quietly erodes me?
Set A Boundary – And Respect It Yourself Too
Dealing with an unsupportive partner also means knowing what you will no longer accept. Boundaries are healing. They protect your inner peace.
And yes – if your boundaries are a problem for them, maybe you just got the answer you needed.
Example:
🛑 “I won’t keep asking for basic respect. If you continue to ignore me, I’ll have to reconsider our relationship.”
That’s protecting your peace.
Seek Support Outside The Relationship
Whether your partner stays distant or wants to improve – you need someone who truly sees you. Talk to a therapist. Join a support group. Lean on friends who truly listen. Support must exist. Don’t stay alone in a relationship that leaves you feeling alone.
