Stop Craving Validation From Others and Finally Trust Yourself

Do you feel like you’re stuck in a vicious cycle where your worth is measured by what others think of you? If the answer is yes, you’re not alone. Seeking validation from others is part of human nature, but it becomes a problem when it starts controlling our decisions and happiness. It’s not wrong to ask for opinions or seek advice – we all do it. Just think about how children proudly run to their parents to show them a drawing or an achievement. But where is the line between healthy seeking of opinions and becoming dependent on validation?

Research shows that our constant craving for validation leads to anxiety, exhaustion, and a sense of emptiness. Instead of trusting ourselves, we hand our power over to others. I know it’s not easy – social media reminds us every day of what others are doing, what they’re wearing, how they’re living. All of this unknowingly pushes us into the trap of comparison and seeking approval. But there is a way to break free from this.

Today, we will dive into this topic together. We will talk about why you crave validation, how it holds you back from growing, and most importantly, how you can start trusting yourself. Don’t worry – it’s not about becoming completely self-confident overnight. It’s about small steps that will bring you closer to the feeling that you are enough – just as you are.

Why Do We Constantly Seek Validation from Others?

Have you ever asked yourself why you so often worry about what others think? Why can their response affect you so deeply? Seeking validation from others is something that has been with us for millennia. Even though we no longer live in caves and don’t need a tribe for survival, our brains haven’t quite caught up with this change. Now, let’s explore where this need originates and why it still leads us today.

1. Evolutionary Memory: Survival Was in the Community

Looking back at the past, belonging to a group was crucial for survival. If you were rejected, it didn’t just mean loneliness, but an actual threat to your life. Our ancestors associated the feeling of exclusion with danger, which is why we developed the instinct to seek acceptance and approval. Even though you are no longer dependent on a tribe, your brain still operates as if you are.

2. Social Conditioning: “Be Who We Expect You to Be”

From childhood, we are taught that our worth is tied to how others see us. Compliments for good behavior, excellent grades, or even a simple “you’re such a good kid” gave us the sense that acceptance had to be earned. This doesn’t mean that compliments are bad – not at all. The problem arises when we forget that we have worth even without them.

3. Fear of Failure: What If I Disappoint?

How many times have you thought, “What if they don’t approve of me? What if I look stupid?” This fear stems from early experiences when we viewed failure as the end of the world – either due to criticism, disappointing our parents, or society. Failure is a natural part of life, but if we experienced it as shame, we may spend our whole lives seeking validation to avoid it.

Trending

12 Proven Strategies to Overcome Procrastination and Boost Productivity

4. Childhood Trauma: When You Didn’t Get What You Needed

If, as a child, you experienced neglect, criticism, or emotional deprivation, it can deeply affect your self-esteem. Those who didn’t receive enough love, attention, and validation often seek it later – from partners, friends, or even complete strangers on social media.

5. Social Expectations and Roles: Especially Hard for Women

Traditional gender roles often teach women that they must always be nice, kind, and caring. This can lead them to give more weight to others’ approval than they should. Men face this in a different way – often through expectations to be strong, successful, and never vulnerable.

6. The Influence of Social Media: Digital Applause

Nothing is a better example of modern validation than social media. Likes, comments, and followers have become the new form of validation. But if you find yourself constantly checking how many people liked your latest selfie, ask yourself: does this really define your worth?

Top Tips on How to Stop Craving Validation from Others

Develop a Sense of Self-Worth

Are you aware of how valuable you are simply for being who you are? Serving others is noble, but that doesn’t mean you have to please everyone. Instead, ask yourself: What do I really want? What are my values? What will I allow into my life, and what won’t I?
Take a moment for yourself, grab a pen and paper, and jot down your thoughts. Maybe ask yourself:

• What is truly important to me?
• What kind of life do I want to live?
• Am I truly happy in my relationships?
• What are my dreams, and how can I achieve them?

Once you’ve clarified your answers, use them as your compass. If, for example, you’re drawn to the arts, but your parents are pushing you to become a lawyer, it’s clear what you need to do, right? Listen to yourself. When you express your desires clearly and firmly, not only do you strengthen your self-confidence, but you also show the world who you are.

Furthermore, don’t hide behind a facade just to avoid others’ opinions. Why regret decisions that aren’t even yours later? Take others’ advice into account, but always make the final decision yourself – it’s your life. If you truly want to take a step forward and stop craving validation from others, you need to start with a sense of self-worth. This is the foundation of everything.

Explore Your History

Have you ever felt a wave of shame over the smallest mistake, as if you’re not good enough? If you want to stop craving validation from others, you first need to understand what drives this behavior. Often, the roots are buried deep in your past.

Think of a child constantly seeking praise from parents – “Look, mom, I’ve cleaned my room!” or “Dad, see what a great grade I got?” Such a child often develops the belief that love and acceptance must be earned through meeting certain standards. When they make a mistake or fail to meet expectations, they feel unworthy of warmth and affection.

This belief often stems from childhood, when the foundations of our independence and self-worth are formed. If parents (or others in our lives) constantly decided for us – what’s right, what’s wrong, what’s safe, what’s not – we didn’t have the chance to develop self-trust. Instead, we became dependent on their judgments. The result? A fear of making decisions on our own and a constant need for validation from others.

Understanding your history allows you to shed light on these thinking patterns. Once you know where they come from, you can start changing them. Consciously ask yourself: Is this really my thought, or just a voice from the past that no longer serves my life?

There’s nothing wrong with occasionally seeking advice or praise – it’s part of human nature. But if external validation controls you too much, it’s time to consciously behave differently. Step by step, you can break these patterns and regain your freedom.

Don’t Predict the Outcome – Give Yourself a Chance

When something goes wrong, the first reaction is often: “Why even try? It won’t work anyway.” This mindset is exactly what needs to be broken if you want to stop craving validation from others and focus on your abilities.

The truth is, failures often teach us the most. They’re like a map showing us where we went the wrong way. If you didn’t succeed the first time, that doesn’t mean you won’t succeed the second, third, or tenth time. Often, it’s persistence that separates those who achieve their goals from those who give up too soon.

It’s important not to get caught in the trap of predicting outcomes. Why assume something will fail before even giving it a chance? Don’t let failures define you – what defines you is that, despite them, you’re willing to try again.

Think of your role models. Did they achieve everything on the first try? Definitely not. They too fell, got back up, and kept going. The key is to see their success as proof that it’s possible to achieve what you desire – if you allow yourself to believe in yourself and give yourself the chance.

The next time doubt creeps in, ask yourself: “Is this doubt justified, or am I just creating it in my mind? What if I succeed?” And try. You lose nothing – except perhaps another chance to overcome yourself.

Don’t Compare Yourself to Others – Focus on Yourself

In today’s world, where social media is so present in our lives, it’s almost impossible to avoid comparing ourselves. We see perfect pictures, perfect moments, and perfect people – but is all of that real? Don’t forget: social media is often just a curated display that shows someone’s best moments, never the full story.

These Genius Tricks Will Help You Stop Comparing Yourself

When I once observed how much time I spent browsing and comparing myself to others, I realized something important – I was losing myself in the process. Instead of building my self-confidence, I was subconsciously putting it on the scale, depending on how successful, happy, or popular someone else seemed. This is exactly what you must avoid if you want to stop craving validation from others.

Social media is not necessarily an enemy if we handle it responsibly. Use it for inspiration, not for comparison. Follow people who motivate you, encourage personal growth, and remind you that perfection doesn’t exist. At the same time, set healthy boundaries – focus your time on things that benefit you, not those that drain your energy.

Focus on Your Strengths and Stay True to Yourself

How often do we find ourselves dwelling on our weaknesses, as if they are the only things that define us? But the truth is, we all have something special that makes us unique. Instead of directing your energy toward what you may be lacking, shift your focus to your positive qualities.

The Truth About Building Self-Confidence That Changes Everything

Start with a simple exercise: make a list of things you appreciate about yourself. These could be your skills, qualities, achievements, or even small moments you’re proud of. Let this list be your reminder – a personal collection of reasons why you are worthy of respect and love. When you feel the need for validation from others, remember that you already have everything you need within yourself. Let this be the first step toward stopping craving validation from others.

If you want to grow and improve, set clear goals – but without unnecessary pressure. It’s okay to stumble sometimes.

Surround Yourself With Non-forcing Opinion Holders

How many times have you sought advice from someone who, instead of supporting you, pushed their own opinion on you? Such people, even if well-intentioned, often overstep boundaries and make decisions for us. That’s not what you need.

It’s crucial to surround yourself with people who can offer sincere opinions without pressure or manipulation – people who respect you for who you are and understand that you have the right to choose your own path.

These individuals will share their perspective with you but will leave room for your decisions. There’s nothing wrong with relying on someone occasionally to help you see the bigger picture, but stop craving validation from others by remaining autonomous in choosing how you proceed.

Transform Negative Self-Talk with Simple Daily Practices

On the other hand, be prepared for negative comments from those who want to impose their will. These people often don’t understand that your choices are personal and that it’s actually right for you to accept the consequences of your decisions – good or bad. Set clear boundaries. If someone persistently intrudes on your life, change the subject, leave the situation, or simply start surrounding yourself with those who support you without judgment.

Remember, you’re not building a life for others. You’re building it for yourself. Listen to opinions, but ultimately trust your intuition and live according to your values.

Observe Your Body Language

Our body often reveals truths that our mind tries to hide. As holistic beings – mind, body, and soul – we perceive changes, events, and relationships through subtle signals we emit. Observing our own body language is a step toward better connection with ourselves. It’s an opportunity to uncover hidden emotions that we might be pushing deep inside.

Think about a situation when you’re in the presence of someone you never feel completely relaxed around. For example, a coworker to whom you always nod, even when you don’t share your opinion. You praise them, even when you don’t mean it, and avoid expressing your own views because you feel they might react negatively. Meanwhile, while doing this, you’re tense, your body is in a defensive posture, and you feel a slight discomfort inside.

What is this telling you? Why are you reacting this way? Often, fear is behind it – fear of rejection, conflict, or losing validation. By gently observing your feelings and the tension in your body, you can discover where the root of this need to adjust comes from. Yes, maintaining calm relationships is important, but never at the expense of your authenticity.

When you consciously choose to stay true to yourself in such moments, you take a crucial step: stop craving validation from others. Pay attention to your body, listen to what it’s telling you, and gradually break the patterns that don’t serve your inner peace.

Practice Self-Reflection

You might have expected this to be one of the key points – and rightly so. Self-reflection is like a quiet guide that helps you navigate through emotional turbulence and break patterns that no longer serve you. It’s a tool that can provide you with a deeper understanding of yourself and gradually help you stop craving validation from others.

Start by writing. Simply write. Pour your thoughts, feelings, fears, and desires onto paper. Look deep within and ask yourself: Why do I seek validation from others? Where does my fear of rejection hide? What are my goals, and what can I do to stay true to my path?
Record the progress you make. Note the moments when, despite doubts, you found the courage to step into your power.

Don’t be too critical – your journal is your safe space. The more you express yourself on paper, the easier it will be to analyze your thoughts and better understand your reactions.

And the best part? In the future, you’ll have the chance to read about how far you’ve come. Changes are small, often unnoticed, until you look back and see how different your inner landscape has become.