Strategies To Overcome The Fear Of Losing Loved Ones
Have you ever found yourself thinking about what will happen when a loved one leaves this world? It is normal to be overwhelmed by the fear of losing those we hold dear. The problem arises when this fear becomes destructive, creating a huge cloud of anxiety and sadness within us. In this article, we will explore how to free ourselves from the anxiety and fear of losing loved ones.
You might wonder why this fear is so strong. Our connections with others are deeply rooted in our humanity. We love because we are human, and with love comes vulnerability. Therefore, the fear of losing loved ones is a natural part of the process; if properly understood and faced, it can become a source of strength rather than weakness.
I remember as I was slowly approaching my teenage years, my grandmother once explained that a day would come when she would leave me. Although I genuinely did not understand what exactly happens when we die, it triggered a wave of strong emotions in me: fear, anxiety, and sadness at the thought that my grandmother would leave me.
Late at night, when I should have been sleeping, I pondered how it would be when my grandmother was no longer around, where she would go, and similar thoughts disturbed me for a few days until I temporarily forgot about the topic.
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Honestly, throughout my teenage years, the thought of losing a loved one weighed heavily on my heart and filled me with waves of anxiety. I carried this burden with me until, at the age of eighteen, I experienced the first loss of someone closest to me.
It was then that I entered the world of grieving and healing and gradually began to perceive death differently. Over time, I learned to face these emotions, accept them, and turn them into something that does not paralyze me but helps me better appreciate the moments I spend with my loved ones.
Two types of fear of losing loved ones
There are two types of anxiety related to the loss of loved ones that can appear in our lives.
1. Anxiety when facing a severe illness of a loved one
This is the anxiety we experience when we are aware that a loved one is dealing with a severe illness or is in danger of dying. This type of anxiety usually intensifies as we face the reality of loss and the inevitability of death.
2. Anxiety when loved ones are not at risk of death
This type of anxiety occurs when our loved ones are not directly at risk of death, but we are still overwhelmed by constant worry and fear of losing them. It is often more subtle but can still significantly affect our lives.
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For example, if we constantly worry about what would happen if something were to happen to our parents or partners, even though they are not in mortal danger, this type of anxiety can paralyze us and prevent us from fully enjoying the relationships and moments we share with our loved ones.
Strategies for Overcoming the Fear of Losing Loved Ones
1. Make a list of all your worries
Anxiety has power because it seems uncontrollable and sends us into endless spirals of thoughts. However, we can reduce the feeling of being overwhelmed by making a list of all our worries. When we put our fears on paper, we clarify them and see them in a more manageable form.
Why is this good? Writing about our worries helps us organize and give structure to them. Instead of spinning in circles of vague and scary thoughts, we have a list in front of us.
How to do it
Take a few moments for yourself. Grab a piece of paper and a pen, or use a computer. Start writing down all the things that worry you about losing a loved one.
For example:
Worry: If I lost a loved one, I wouldn’t have a place to live.
Solution: Consider options such as finding a new place to live or seeking financial help.
Worry: I wouldn’t have anyone to talk to.
Solution: Connect with other family members or friends where you can share your feelings.
2. Recognize Your Resilience
You are much more resilient than you think. Loss is a part of life, and you have likely faced tough moments and successfully overcome them before. Recall your past experiences and identify what you have lost, whether it was a childhood friend’s move, the end of schooling, or something else.
Why is this good? Realizing past losses that we have successfully overcome gives us strength and resilience. These experiences show us that we are capable of getting through even the toughest times.
How to do it:
Take a piece of paper or a computer and think about your past losses. Write them down. Be honest with yourself and note everything you find important, then review what you did to overcome those losses.
For example:
Loss: A childhood friend moved away.
What I did: Kept in touch through letters, phone calls, and social media. Made new friends at school.
3. Practice mindfulness
Mindfulness is an extremely beneficial technique that helps us stay present in the moment and avoid being overwhelmed by worries about the past or future. Often, I catch myself entering a relaxing shower at the end of the day, but my thoughts continue to race. When I become aware of this, I take control and immerse myself in the moment (the shower, how the water flows over me, the sound, the smell of shampoo). And you know what? There’s no better feeling.
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Focus on the present moment; you will feel more grateful and calm, thus reducing anxiety.
How to do it:
Start with basic mindfulness exercises that are simple and can be effortlessly integrated into your daily routine. When doing everyday tasks like washing dishes, focus on your breathing, observe, and be present in the act of washing, what you are washing, engaging all your senses in your work.
Over time, you will notice your ability to manage anxiety improving, and you will find it easier to enjoy the everyday moments with your loved ones.
4. Acceptance of death
Fear of losing loved ones is rooted in accepting the fact that we are mortal beings. In larger cities, there are so-called “death cafes” where people gather to openly discuss their fears and experiences related to death. Join communities where you can share your experience and discuss death. Like birth, death is a part of life.
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To begin accepting death as a part of life, you can read books on the subject where people share valuable insights on how they have coped with loss, talk to people, explore online resources on the topic, and visit communities.
5. Understand your mind
Worry is a way our brains try to feel safe and in control. It’s often a mechanism our brains use to feel safe and in control of situations that are beyond our control. Just think about how much of our daily lives we spend inside our heads, constantly thinking about what will happen, what has already happened, and other thoughts that occupy our minds.
When we understand that worry is a natural response of our brains, it becomes easier to accept that it’s not always beneficial. Worry can deceive us into thinking we’re being proactive, but in reality, it cannot prevent negative events and only jeopardizes our mental health.
What can you do?
Focus on what you can control instead of dwelling on hypothetical scenarios. Redirect your energy towards things you can manage. Rather than worrying, invest your time in creating priceless memories with your loved ones, surprising them, and similar activities.
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Also, embrace uncertainty. Acknowledge that life involves a certain degree of uncertainty and that it’s normal. Try to accept that you don’t have to control everything and focus on living in the present moment.
6. See the world from a positive perspective
Positive energy and thinking can strengthen us and help us overcome difficult times. How we see the world is a reflection of our energy. Life is a cycle—birth, life, and death are natural parts of this cycle. For life to exist, death must also exist. Try to see the beauty in both. When one person dies, a new being is born.
To elevate to positive frequencies, start practicing gratitude, focus on peace (if your loved one is suffering, focus on the idea that they will find peace after death and will no longer suffer), cherish beautiful moments, practice mindfulness (focusing on the present reduces worries about the future).
