Don’t Move In Together Until You’ve Talked About These 10 Things
The decision to move in together is not just a matter of logistics – it’s an act of emotional intimacy. It’s the intertwining of two lives, two routines, two perspectives. No more “we’ll see each other on Friday” or “I’m sleeping over at yours,” but waking up together every day, negotiating kitchen habits, deciding who buys toilet paper and who cleans up the cat’s kibble. No more “yours” and “mine” – it becomes “ours.” And while this may sound romantic, it’s often right here that misunderstandings, silent stress, and unspoken expectations arise.
According to a study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family, couples who discussed finances, habits, expectations, and personal boundaries before moving in together were 40% less likely to break up within the first two years of cohabitation. This isn’t just an interesting statistic – it’s proof that these “things to discuss before moving in together” are the foundation upon which we build our shared life.
The romantic idea of living together often doesn’t include the realities of daily life. No one talks about how differently people perceive cleanliness, privacy, bedtime habits, money management, or how much silence means to one person and how much conversation means to the other.
In this article, we’ll take a look at the real, important areas – the topics that must be opened up, things to consider before moving in together. So, get comfortable and keep reading – not to find “rules,” but to better understand yourself, your partner, and this exciting new chapter in your relationship.
10 Important Things to Discuss Before Moving in Together
1. Money – A Taboo That Doesn’t Deserve Silence
One of the biggest mistakes couples make when thinking about moving in together is not talking about money. Why? Because the topic of finances is often clouded with shame, past wounds, and uncomfortable feelings. But if you stay silent now, you could end up paying (literally) the price later.
So one of the key things to discuss before moving in together is: Are you financially compatible? And no – this doesn’t mean having the same salary or spending style. It means being able to talk about money without blame, with clear agreements, and the truth that brings you closer, not further apart.
Questions like “How will we divide the rent?” “Do we split costs 50/50 or proportionally to income?” “How will we manage shared expenses like groceries or cleaning supplies?” – these aren’t just technical. They’re a bridge that connects your vision of life under one roof. So, let one of the main things to consider before moving in together be: Can we manage money together without playing the roles of “saver” and “spender”?
The best thing you can do? Create a monthly “money talk,” where you sit down with tea or wine and honestly discuss your financial situation. No attacking, just curiosity. And if you discover that you have different goals? Great.
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The conversation can bring you closer together to create a shared vision. Living together advice for couples often overlooks this part – but you won’t. Because you know that love is beautiful, but cohabitation takes a little more: a team mentality, even when it comes to money.
2. Lifestyle, Tidiness, Routine, and…
In theory, living together seems romantic – Netflix, candlelit dinners, shared mornings. But in practice… it can become a clash of two worlds. One of the most surprising things to discuss before moving in together is lifestyle habits. Because what once seemed “cute” or “special” to you can now drive you to their limit.
Maybe one person wakes up at 6:00 AM, full of energy and ready for conversation, while the other can barely open an eye before 9:00. Maybe one is used to cleaning up right after cooking, while the other leaves the dishes “for later” (which sometimes means – never). Or maybe one needs silence after work, while the other immediately wants to report on the whole day. What to talk about before moving in together? Exactly that. The rhythm of the day. Needs. Habits. And – most importantly – how will you adjust without resentment?
It’s not important that you have everything the same. What matters is that you’re willing to compromise. That you know what is “non-negotiable” for each of you, and where you’re ready to give a little. Sometimes it’s cleaning, other times it’s scheduling friend visits. A good conversation about habits is not a checklist. It’s about discovering each other. And one of the best ways to lay the foundation for a peaceful and happy shared life.
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3. Talking About the Future
One of the hardest, but most important things to clarify before moving in together is your vision for the future. The question “Where are we going?” – is a key tool for planning life together. And hey – there’s nothing wrong with one person seeing living together as an experiment and the other as the start of a shared future. What’s wrong is not talking about it.
So be brutally honest. Talk about career ambitions – what if one dreams of working in Iceland while the other wants to stay close to family? What about marriage, children, travel, lifestyle? These are things to discuss before moving in together. Don’t worry, the conversation doesn’t mean you have to sign a contract for a shared future. It’s about understanding whether you’re even looking in the same direction.
Therapist Esther Perel says that relationships today are less about who will be with whom, and more about how you’ll grow together. If your goals aren’t compatible – it doesn’t necessarily mean breaking up, but you can get on the same page. But if you stay silent about it, one day you might realize you’re standing on opposite sides of the world, and in between, nothing is left.
4. Conflict Resolution
Living together won’t just be hearts on walls and making pasta together at midnight. Cohabitation is, to be honest, the quickest way to discover how you resolve conflicts. And this is one of the hardest things to discuss before moving in together, but exactly why it’s so important.
John Gottman’s research, one of the most influential relationship therapists, showed that it’s not about whether couples argue – it’s about how they do it. Criticism, passive aggression, ignoring – these are all ways that slowly but surely erode connection. Are you able to admit when you’re wrong? Can you talk when you’re stressed? Or do you withdraw, ignore, or try to fix things together?
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If you still don’t understand how you act in conflicts, now is the time to observe and have an honest conversation. Moving in together is not a quick fix or a solution for a relationship – it’s a test. And if you can already come up with strategies for how to talk, listen, and calm down, you’ll build a relationship where winning isn’t necessary, but understanding is. Conflicts won’t disappear. But your approach will become stronger than they are.
5. Household Chores
- Ah, this mundane topic, which in reality is anything but mundane. It might be the most underrated of all things to discuss before moving in together – and often the one that causes the most frustration. Because… it’s not about the dishes. It’s about a sense of fairness, cooperation, and respect.
Psychologist Dr. Terri Orbuch, who has followed couples for over 25 years, says that couples who are satisfied with their division of chores report higher relationship satisfaction. Why? Because household chores aren’t just physical tasks – they’re a way of taking care of each other. If one cooks and the other never cleans up, silent dissatisfaction begins to accumulate. And that silence doesn’t stay quiet for long.
So, ask yourselves in advance: What do you hate doing? What doesn’t bother you? Can each person take on the tasks that suit them best? Will a schedule help? Or will you do everything together? Make this conversation real and honest. You know, the one that goes: “Well, we’ll figure it out as we go” – that one doesn’t usually work. So, agree. Write it on the fridge if necessary. But don’t let fights over laundry happen.
6. Family and Friend Visits
When you move in together, your home suddenly becomes a space that’s not just yours – family and friends enter as well. You may now be wondering: how do you handle all these visits? Don’t worry, you’re not the only one asking what should be addressed before taking this big step. The truth is, visits will be inevitable, but how you handle them is up to you.
If you really want to align with your partner, talk about how often your and your partner’s loved ones should visit. Sometimes these visits can be pleasant, other times they may become overwhelming. Will overnight stays be allowed? If so, how long is acceptable?
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By addressing these questions, you’ll create clear rules that help maintain a balance between privacy and social life. Things to discuss before moving in together also include how often both of you are willing to accept visits while still maintaining your personal space.
7. Finding Balance Between Togetherness and Personal Space
Living together can be fantastic, but you can quickly find yourself in a situation where it feels like there’s no room to breathe. It’s not just about physical space, but also about the personal space each person needs. When you move in together, it’s crucial to create space for privacy as well. And not just physical space – you also need to figure out how you will handle life activities that you previously did on your own.
Think about this: When do you want to be alone? What personal rituals do you want to keep? Things to consider before moving in together include deciding when and how you’ll have your own relaxation time, whether it’s reading or doing anything else that recharges your energy. Otherwise, you’ll quickly start to feel consumed by your partner. The best advice for couples preparing to live together is: “Respect the need for privacy to keep your relationship healthy.”
8. Communication Style
This topic should almost be number one on the list of things to consider before moving in together. Communication in any relationship is not just about words – it’s about how we express ourselves, listen, and resolve disagreements. Before moving in together, you simply cannot overlook how you approach communication.
Are you both able to open up about difficult topics, or do you prefer to avoid conflict? This is not something you can ignore – a healthy relationship needs open and honest communication to maintain balance.
It’s important to assess how you’ll engage in resolving disagreements. Are you willing to be direct and constructive, or will arguments quickly escalate into hurtful words? Living together will put your communication style to the test, but if you lay the groundwork for a constructive approach, your relationship will grow stronger. Avoid anything that could lead to long-term conflicts, and instead, set goals for openness and supporting each other.
9. How to Align Two Different Tastes in One Home
Now that you’ve decided to start this new chapter together, it’s time to ask: What should our home look like? Of course, before moving in together, you need to align your ideas on what this space should look like. You may both have very different visions of home. Perhaps one of you prefers a minimalist, modern style, while the other loves a warm, rustic look with vintage furniture.
What to talk about before moving in together includes a thorough review of all these details – from who’s bringing what into the house to how you’ll choose new furniture together. Will your old pieces fit in the new home, or will you buy entirely new things? If you decide to go shopping, how will you align your tastes?
Maybe one person decorates the bedroom, and the other handles the living room. All of these things should be clarified before the move to avoid any unpleasant surprises.
Sometimes these conversations can be quite challenging, especially if both of you have very strong ideas about what the “ideal” home should look like. But don’t worry, let this be an opportunity to learn compromise and appreciate each other’s tastes. Things to consider before moving in together can be simple – talk about how you’ll create a space that reflects both of you.
10. Will You Have Any Special House Rules?
Moving in together is more than just combining belongings and rearranging furniture. It’s a moment when you start shaping a shared life, and one of the key things to discuss is – rules. Yes, you read that right. We all come from different families with their own set of rules. Some took off their shoes before entering the house, while others casually walked around in shoes. Then there are pets – which areas are theirs, who will be responsible for cleaning, and are there any restrictions on pets in certain areas of the house?
Things to discuss before moving in together also include agreements on how you’ll handle these everyday little details. Maybe you need to decide if you’ll have certain rooms just for yourselves, like if one person is very particular about their office while the other is okay with having their own space in the living room. If you have a pet, it’s even more important to decide how you’ll take care of it – who will be responsible for walks, when the pet can be in the bedroom, and when a “time-out” is needed, etc.
Start these conversations early, as unnecessary conflicts may arise if you don’t adjust to living together. Moving in together also means accepting each other with all the little “quirks.”
