How To Overcome Jealousy And Focus Energy On Building Trust

You are in a pleasant restaurant, lively conversations echo around you, and on the table in front of you is a delicious dish that makes your mouth water. But suddenly you notice your partner smiling at a stranger at the nearby table. Your heart skips a beat, a wave of jealousy floods your body, and your mind begins to race with the worst possible scenarios. Is that person really just a friend? Are they aware of how much this hurts me? What if it’s more than just friendliness? Today, we will talk about jealousy.

It is a feeling that suddenly emerges from the dark corners of our subconscious and clouds our view of reality. Sometimes it exists as a gentle reminder of our humanity, while at other times, it grows into a storm that can destroy even the strongest relationships. But the story is not over yet. No matter how strongly you feel that jealousy is consuming you, there are ways to resist it and refocus your energy on building trust.

Causes of Jealousy

Researcher Sybil Hart conducted an experiment with six-month-old babies whose mothers held a baby-like doll. The babies protested loudly and showed obvious signs of jealousy. Thus, one theory suggests that jealousy is a natural response to feeling threatened by the potential loss of a loved one.

The assumption is that we are evolutionarily programmed to protect our loved ones from competition, which increases the chances of survival and reproduction. Interesting, isn’t it? So there is a possibility that jealousy is deeply rooted within us.

The cause of excessive jealousy lies in upbringing. Children who receive insufficient attention from their guardians, or who were neglected in childhood, have a high probability of developing uncontrollable jealousy, which begins to erode the child’s inner self and relationships with their environment. It can be unintentional neglect when a family is expecting a new member and, due to constant worry and concern about the new arrival, the existing child feels neglected.

Jealousy and Envy are not the same

Before we proceed any further, let’s clarify these two concepts. Jealousy is an emotion we experience when we fear losing a specific person we love, typically within the context of interpersonal relationships. Therefore, it often involves the presence of a third party, particularly when we perceive a threat to a valuable relationship. For instance, if we observe that our partner is spending a significant amount of time with someone else, especially if that individual shares our gender.

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Envy, on the other hand, is the emotion we feel when we desire something that another person possesses. It arises from feelings of lack and inferiority. We may envy possessions such as a car, house, education, career, hairstyle, and so forth. A simple piece of advice for dealing with envy is to focus on personal growth and the pursuit of our own goals.

Are you overly jealous?

• Constantly questioning and checking the other person’s habits,
• Suspicion or even belief that a person is cheating, despite the lack of evidence,
• Unbearable need for control,
• Management of partner contacts,
• Outbursts of anger and aggression,
• Low self-esteem
• Inability to control jealousy
• The constant search for explanations that justify suspicions.
• Excessive jealousy can also cause physical symptoms of stress, such as rapid heartbeat, anxiety, insomnia, or even digestive issues.

Tips on how to overcome jealousy

Find the cause of jealousy

Once you are aware of your jealousy, start investigating the causes. Let these questions help you. Researching the causes will help you understand what triggers it and how to deal with it.

• Have you always been so jealous?
• What was your childhood like?
• Are you constantly away from losing a loved one?
• Hard to trust? Why?
• Did you feel neglected in your childhood?
• Do you have low self-esteem and confidence?
• Did any person betray you?
• Do you lack healthy communication in your relationship?
• Do you feel that you are worthy of love and loyalty? How do you respond to compliments from a person?
• Do you believe that love can be permanent, without infidelity?
• What do you think about infidelity?

Recognize irrational thoughts

Jealousy often feeds on irrational thoughts, leading us to unnecessary suffering and tension in relationships. As Marcus Aurelius once said: “It is not the things themselves that disturb people, but their interpretation of those things.” This particularly applies to thoughts stemming from jealousy.

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When facing irrational thoughts of jealousy, such as “My partner no longer loves me,” or “My partner is definitely having more fun with their friend than with me,” it is crucial to be aware of your thoughts and question them. Do you have actual evidence for these thoughts? Is there any other, more likely explanation?

Perhaps your partner had a long day at work and is simply tired, which is unrelated to your relationship. Or maybe your partner just wanted to spend time with their friends, which doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t love you or that your relationship is in jeopardy.

Consider changing your perspective.

If you constantly wonder what your partner is doing or thinking, it can lead to a lot of pain and tension. It’s important to realize that you cannot control other people’s actions. Instead of focusing on them, it’s crucial to focus on yourself, acknowledge your feelings, and build self-love. Surrendering to jealous thoughts can make the relationship tense and distant. This can lead to increasing tension between you and your partner.

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Regardless of who you are in a relationship with, it’s important to take action. Start becoming aware of your own worth and begin building self-confidence. As you begin to appreciate your qualities, you’ll become more confident and less prone to jealous thoughts.

Stop comparing yourself! Limit social networks!

When we spend hours scrolling through faces glowing on Instagram or lives that seem perfect on Facebook, we often find ourselves trapped in the comparison trap. But the truth is, each of us carries our unique gifts and stories. Comparison is like a silent thief that erodes our confidence and damages our relationship with ourselves and others.

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As the old saying goes, “The grass is greener where you water it.” Instead of comparing ourselves to others, let’s focus on how we can grow and flourish in our own life garden. Limiting our time on social media can be the first step to freeing ourselves from the grip of jealousy.

Work on trust and healthy communication

When it comes to managing jealousy, it is crucial to be open and honest in our communication. The ability to express our emotions in a clear and non-accusatory manner allows our partner to better understand us and to more easily relate to our experiences. Understanding the perspective of the other person is also crucial. As they say, “It’s not always about who’s right. It’s about understanding each other.”

Additionally, it is important to be aware of our own fears and doubtful thoughts and learn how to address them in a constructive way. This means not giving in to impulses of attacking or blaming the other person, but focusing on finding solutions and understanding. When we open ourselves up to truly deep communication, we can create strong bonds and overcome the barriers of jealousy on the path to healthier and more fulfilling relationships.

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Self-reflection

Start journaling. Write down your thoughts, feelings, and responses to situations that trigger jealousy. This can help you better understand what truly triggers you and how you react to it. Be honest with yourself and delve into your inner feelings.

Identify your fears and internal beliefs. You may have deeper patterns or traumas that affect your perception of jealousy. Exploring these points can help you understand why you feel the way you do and how you can overcome these patterns.

Personal Growth Journal | Workbook

Use calming techniques

When you find yourself gripped by jealousy and your thoughts become overwhelming, it’s time to employ some calming techniques to help you find inner peace.

The first step is to pause and take a deep breath. This simple action allows you to calm down and refocus on your breathing, which can help soothe your thoughts and emotions.

If possible, take a moment for yourself and step away from the situation that triggered you. You can take a few minutes alone to calm down and gather your thoughts.

Another option is to write down your feelings and thoughts in a journal. Writing can serve as a therapeutic way to express your emotions and help you understand what’s going on in your inner world.

Stand in front of a mirror and tell yourself something positive. Remind yourself of your strengths and give yourself encouraging words to help boost your confidence.

And don’t forget the simple thing – drink a glass of water. Water has a calming effect on the body and can help alleviate tension and stress.

It’s important to find the technique that works best for you and use it when you’re feeling distressed. By practicing calming techniques, you can build resilience against jealousy and maintain a calm and balanced perspective in your relationships.

Stop checking or following the person

If you’re prone to constantly checking your partner’s phone, social media, or stalking, be aware that such behavior can amplify feelings of jealousy and damage trust in the relationship. Instead of getting caught up in a spiral of doubt, it’s important to pause and build trust in the relationship.

Talk to your partner about your feelings and together, find solutions on how to build trust. Give your partner a sense that you believe in them and that you’re willing to work on improving the relationship. By doing so, you’ll not only strengthen mutual trust but also give your partner the opportunity to grow and evolve alongside you.