The Most Overlooked Things to Learn About Your Partner

No matter if you’ve been together for just a few months or sharing the same bed for over a decade, there are still things you don’t know about your partner. And honestly, that’s something quite beautiful. Love isn’t a project you complete once and for all. It’s a journey – one of those winding ones, with beautiful views and sometimes a little pebble in your shoe. And while you’re walking this path together, there are certain things to learn about your partner that can deepen your bond. Sometimes they’re small details, other times they’re things that shift your entire view of the relationship.

Many couples think they know each other well. And maybe you really do know how they take their coffee or what show they’re obsessed with. But… do you know why a certain song makes them cry? Why they always sit in the same chair at the table? Who their childhood role model was – and why? These “small” things often say more than a thousand words. In truth, they’re surprising things to learn about your partner that open the door to real intimacy.

When you truly get to know your partner – not just who they are today, but why they became that person – something shifts in the relationship. In a good way. A genuine way. So stay with me – together we’ll explore important things to learn about your partner that many people overlook, yet they’re the ones that make a relationship feel real.

15 Important Things to Learn About Your Partner

1. What Do They Really Expect From Your Relationship

One of the most important things to learn about your partner is what they actually want from the relationship. Maybe you’re dreaming of a shared future, long-term commitment, a cozy house with a garden, and a dog named Luna. Meanwhile, your partner might still be in the “let’s see where this goes” phase. And that’s totally okay – as long as you talk about it honestly. Sometimes two people are imagining entirely different stories without even realizing it… until it’s too late and someone ends up heartbroken.

Ask questions that open the door to vulnerability. For example: “How do you see our relationship a year from now?” or “Is exclusivity important to you?” While it might sound serious, these questions to get to know your partner can save you from many silent disappointments. When you understand how your partner thinks about your relationship, you can both move forward in a direction that suits you both.

2. What Truly Excites Them? (And Why It Matters)

We all have things that bring out that childlike spark in our eyes. Maybe it’s cooking, playing guitar, escaping to the mountains, or collecting old records. Exploring things to know about your partner, like their hobbies and passions, isn’t just pleasant… it’s essential for connection. Why? Because this is where you show your partner: “I care about who you are when you’re not just ‘my partner’.”

Hobbies reveal a lot about a person’s character. If they love sports, maybe they value routine and competition. If they enjoy gardening, perhaps they find peace in nature. Sometimes you’ll discover shared interests, other times something you can admire – even if it’s not your thing. And in that quiet respect, deep connection grows.

3. How Do They Express Intimacy – Their Attachment Style

Let’s go a little deeper. One of the important things to learn about your partner is their attachment style – the way they connect in relationships. Psychologists identify secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized styles. Why does this matter? Because this internal pattern influences everything – how they show love, how they handle conflict, and even how safe they feel in a relationship.

For example, if your partner pulls away when things get emotionally close, they might not be cold – they may have learned that keeping distance feels safer. When you understand where these reactions come from, you stop taking them personally. And that opens the door to real compassion. This is one of those surprising things to learn about your partner that can completely shift your relationship dynamic.

You might also love:

4. What Do Love Languages Mean to Them

In his book The 5 Love Languages, Gary Chapman explains that we all give and receive love differently – through words of affirmation, touch, gifts, acts of service, or quality time. If you haven’t figured out your partner’s love language yet, this is one of those things to find out about your partner that can truly help you create a more genuine connection.

One person might feel more loved with a hug than with a present. Another might thrive on a simple “I’m proud of you.” When you start speaking their love language, the energy between you changes. It’s not about what makes sense to you – it’s about what matters to them. And that’s love in action.

5. How Do They Relax When Life Gets Tough

Everyone has their own way of grounding themselves after a hard day. Some need silence and solitude. Others recharge through social time, sports, music, or a bubble bath. This is one of the simple things to know about your boyfriend or partner in general, and it’s key to daily harmony.

When you know what helps them, you can offer space for it. And in tough times, that support is worth gold. You might not be able to solve their problems – but you can let them breathe. You can make them a cup of tea, leave their favorite show on, or simply say: “Take your time.” And that, too… is love.

6. Their Eating Habits and Little Quirks

It might seem like it’s just about choosing between pasta and sushi, but food… food tells a story. And one of the things to learn about your partner is exactly that: what comforts them, what brings them joy, and what drives them to their limit. Is your loved one someone who loves slow breakfasts together, or do they forget to eat all day and dream of pizza at night while watching Netflix? These little details aren’t just cute – they show you how they take care of themselves, how they reward themselves, and whether they’re in touch with their needs.

Plus, the small thoughtful acts – like bringing them that exact oat milk latte they love – are what build trust and warmth. These habits are simple things to know about your boyfriend or girlfriend, but they carry a powerful impact.

7. How Much Alone Time They Need

Some people thrive in quiet. Others recharge after an evening with friends. If you want to build a healthy and lasting relationship, one of the most important things to learn about your partner is how much alone time they need – without guilt, drama, or unnecessary questions.

If your partner needs a weekend of silence, a solo walk, or a few hours with their favorite book – it’s not rejection. It’s reconnection with themselves. And here’s where the magic happens: when you respect your partner’s need for solitude, you give them safety. The kind that says, “You’re loved – even when you’re not always by my side.”

Two women hugging and sharing an intimate moment, reflecting emotional closeness and the many things to learn about your partner in a relationship.

8. Their Big Dreams And Goals That Drive Them Forward

Everyone has a vision. It might not be crystal clear yet, it might still be up in the clouds, but inside every person lives something greater. One of the most beautiful things to find out about your partner is what drives them forward. What gets them out of bed in the morning? What is that wild, bold, or quiet dream they may have never spoken out loud?

When you share your dreams with your partner – even the “too big” ones – something incredible happens: the connection deepens. And if you know how to listen without judgment, without correcting, and without saying, “Yeah, but how will you do that,” then you’re giving them the greatest gift of all: the space to believe in themselves.

Keep exploring:

9. Past Traumas

This isn’t the easiest topic. But among the deepest questions to get to know your partner is this one: are there wounds they’re still healing from? Trauma isn’t always something big or dramatic. Sometimes it’s a mom who didn’t listen. A boy who made fun of them. A relationship that left marks. All of it shapes a person – even the one you love now.

It’s important to know: you’re not here to “fix” them. You’re here to understand. To know why certain things trigger them, why they sometimes need more patience, or why silence can be more healing than a thousand words. One of the most important things to learn about your partner is exactly this: how to love someone in their process, not just when everything is going well.

10. What They Need To Feel Safe

It’s not just about locked doors or well-lit streets at night. Safety in a relationship is something much more subtle. It means they can say, “I’m not okay today,” – and you’ll still hold their hand. It means they can reveal something vulnerable without being laughed at. If you’re wondering what to learn about your partner, this is one of the deepest things.

Safety isn’t a grand gesture. It’s small consistency. And if you know how to create that – you’ve already won. Because you’ve created a space where both of you can grow.

11. What Do They Truly Need From A Partner

Each of us longs for different things in love. Some crave freedom and peace, others daily closeness and reassurance that they are loved. Among the most important things to learn about your partner is exactly this – what they truly need from you. Not what you think they need. What they actually wish for, even if they haven’t found the words to say it yet. These are small but essential truths – like whether they need space to breathe after a hard day or if your hug calms them when they’re feeling scattered.

Therapist Esther Perel often says that relationships don’t just rely on love but, most importantly, on understanding. And that understanding only comes when we dare to ask: “What do you most need from me to feel safe and loved?” That’s the kind of question that separates surface-level relationships from the ones with true depth. So – ask. Listen. And observe what truly nourishes them.

12. What’s Their Greatest Personal Weakness

This question is so much more than a tired job interview cliché. Discovering your partner’s vulnerability – their “soft spot” – is one of the most intimate things you can do together. Why? Because people often carry their weaknesses silently – with shame, with guilt. But when you allow your partner to show it without judgment, you create something truly rare – a space of safety.

Among the important things to find out about your partner is this: do they struggle with perfectionism, anxiety, or conflict avoidance? And even more importantly: how can you stand beside them when that weakness shows up in everyday life? As writer Alain de Botton once said: “True love is when you treat the strange parts of someone else as wonderful.” And for that, you first need to know what those parts even are.

13. How Has Their Family Shaped Who They Are

Behind every person is a story – and that story often has roots in their family. Maybe they come from a warm home where affirming words were the norm. Or maybe from a place where emotions were silenced and affection was rare. One of the key things to learn about your partner is to understand their family dynamics – not to judge, but to understand.

So when your partner tells you it’s hard to express themselves because “we never talked about emotions at home,” you can finally hear them – not as someone who doesn’t know how, but as someone who is still learning. That insight is priceless. And when you’re willing to go there with them, your bond only deepens.

14. What Were The Defining Moments Of Their Life?

Everyone carries hidden turning points inside them. Those moments when something clicked. When something broke. When something began. These are surprising things to learn about your partner – they show you why they are the way they are today. Was their strongest moment the first time they stood up for themselves? Or maybe when they traveled alone and felt freedom for the first time?

When you listen to these stories, you’re not just hearing anecdotes – you’re hearing the journeys that shaped them. And maybe, while they’re telling them, you’ll see a spark in their eyes, because you’ll finally understand what they carry inside. And yes – sometimes it’s exactly that which brings us closer. Not the everyday questions, but the honest stories few people ever hear.

15. What Are They Most Grateful For?

Gratitude is magic – it changes the way someone sees the world. And one of the important things to learn about your partner is this: what are they truly grateful for in life? Is it their grandfather’s advice that still helps them through hard days? Is it their childhood dog? Is it an old love that taught them they deserved more?

When you listen to what someone is grateful for, you see their world in its purest form. No masks. No status. Just a person and their heart. And when you know what moves them, you also know how to touch their soul. Maybe through a small gesture, maybe simply by listening. But these are the things you don’t forget.