How To Identify an Emotionally Unavailable Person?

Imagine you’re on a date with a stunning individual. The conversation flows smoothly, you’re laughing, and enjoying each other’s company. However, when you touch upon more intimate topics or express your feelings, you notice your companion becomes cold and emotionally unavailable. Perhaps the smile fades from their face, and their eyes grow distant. Despite your efforts to establish a deeper connection, it seems like you’re hitting an invisible wall separating you from the person. Surely, it can’t be that hard to recognize an emotionally unavailable individual?

We often find ourselves in situations where our conversational partner seems unreachable, like an emotional fortress that’s hard to penetrate. Emotional availability is crucial for healthy and fulfilling relationships, so it’s important to identify signs of emotional unavailability in the people around us. In this article, we’ll explore how to recognize emotionally unavailable individuals and how to deal with this situation.

As the saying goes, “Those who can hide their tears often hide their hearts as well.” Perhaps within this profound saying lies the key to understanding emotional unavailability. We can understand it as: when we conceal our emotions, it may indicate the presence of internal walls that prevent others from seeing and understanding our true emotional state and essence.

What is Emotional Unavailability?

An emotionally unavailable person hides behind solid internal walls, using them as a defense mechanism to protect themselves from potential pain or vulnerability that expressing their emotions or connecting with others might bring. Therefore, such individuals struggle to maintain emotional bonds in relationships. Instead, they prefer to keep their distance, jumping from one relationship to another, and the relationships they engage in are usually superficial and far from deep.

Mighty Tips On How To Embrace The Aging Process

Common Signs of an Emotionally Unavailable Person

Avoidance of deep conversations

Have you ever experienced the feeling of trying to delve into deeper emotions with someone, only to feel like you’re swimming in shallow waters? When a person consistently avoids topics that require deeper reflection, whether about emotions or experiences, it’s not merely a coincidence. This could be a sign that you’re dealing with an emotionally unavailable individual.

Instead of ever engaging in discussions about deeper matters such as fears, dreams, or relationships, this person prefers to stick to surface-level topics like weather, sports, TV shows, or politics. Research has shown that people who avoid deep conversations often fear the vulnerability that such topics may bring.

Difficulty expressing emotions

I still often come across advice like, “Think positive,” implying that we should suppress our emotions and put on a mask of “false positivity.” But what if we allowed our emotions to surface instead? Allowed ourselves to express them? I mean, expressing and feeling current emotions is entirely healthy, regardless of what they are. Allow yourself to feel them. When we suppress and avoid our emotions, they accumulate and lead to inner tension or even irritable behavior.

What Is The Difference Between Healthy Optimism And Toxic Positivity?

If you notice that a person around you struggles with expressing their emotions or even avoids expressing any emotions whatsoever, you may be dealing with an emotionally unavailable individual. Perhaps you simply want to share your joy, sadness, or fear with your conversational partner, but it seems like they are blatantly disinterested or disconnected from their own emotions.

Lack of empathy

You’ve had a rough day at work and want to talk to a friend about your troubles. Instead of receiving sympathy or understanding, you encounter an indifferent response or even criticism. This lack of empathy can leave you feeling dissatisfied. But what’s the culprit? Research suggests that a lack of empathy can stem from various causes, such as an inability to recognize emotions in oneself or others, a lack of social skills, or simply selfish motives.

Of course, this doesn’t mean that they lack emotions or understanding; perhaps they just struggle with expression. As the renowned psychologist Carl Rogers said, “Empathic listening is one of the most precious gifts you can give to another person.” This emphasizes the importance of empathy in building deeper and more fulfilling relationships.

Avoidance of intimacy

Emotionally unavailable individuals often steer clear of intimate relationships. Imagine being in a relationship with someone who avoids any physical touch or discussion about their feelings. You feel like you can never get close to this person, as they consistently evade your proximity. We know that such a barrier between you and your partner hinders the building of a healthy and connected relationship.

The research explains that the fear of intimacy stems from past traumatic experiences, including a lack of trust or negative self-beliefs.

Resistance to change

Have you ever wondered why some people cling so strongly to their established habits and routines, making it seem almost impossible to open up to new experiences? This could be a result of emotional unavailability.

For instance, envision a friend who never wants to go on a spontaneous trip or try new activities. Regardless of how intriguing the offered opportunity is, this person always dodges and staunchly resists change. This may indicate a fear of risk or stepping out of their comfort zone, which hampers their emotional openness.

How To Easily Get Out Of Limiting Beliefs About Everything?

Researchers explain that emotionally closed-off individuals often fear change because it represents an unknown or unpredictable risk. As a result of such behavior, these individuals prefer to stick to familiar and safe patterns in their lives, even if it means foregoing opportunities for personal growth.

As motivational speaker Tony Robbins says, “Change is inevitable. Growth is optional.”

Avoidance of conflict

Imagine having a colleague who always shies away from debates or avoids addressing issues within the team. You may be dealing with an emotionally unavailable person. Instead of openly and honestly discussing any disagreements and challenges, the colleague suppresses emotions or doesn’t address them at all.

Most people avoid conflicts because they’re certainly not pleasant for anyone involved. But what do we fear about conflicts? We could say it’s inappropriate behavior, judgment, raised voices, or non-acceptance. Absolutely. However, conflicts don’t necessarily have to unfold in such a manner if the individuals are stable and can reasonably find compromise and resolution.

Author and psychotherapist David Richo says, “Conflicts are opportunities for growth and connection.” This emphasizes that we need to learn to accept conflict as a natural part of life and learn to effectively solve problems instead of avoiding them.

Emotionally unavailable person = One-sided relationship

When we’re in a relationship where one person desires emotional depth and intimacy, while on the other side, there’s resistance and constant evasion and avoidance, such a relationship can be termed one-sided. In the long run, such a relationship is tolerably exhausting because we give more than we receive. To heal such a relationship, it’s important to be aware of and understand what exactly is happening in the relationship. We all know that a healthy relationship is a two-way street. All the best until next time, my friend.

15 Important Signs That You Are In A Toxic One-sided Relationship