Retreat From Perfectionism: How To Live A More Relaxed Life

Have you ever found yourself caught in the trap of seeking perfection? Maybe you have felt many times that you are not good enough to brag about your work or achievements. Even though you strive to achieve the highest standards, the feeling of never being enough can loom like a dark shadow and affect your self-esteem and mental well-being. This is not unusual – in fact, many people struggle with this obstacle called perfectionism.

Many people equate perfectionism with success, but this is not necessarily the case, as it can greatly limit, slow down, and hinder an individual’s progress. Therefore, the feeling that nothing is ever good enough can be very difficult, frustrating, and debilitating. While this may seem like a desirable feature at first glance, it can bring its own set of challenges. Let’s explore the depths of perfectionism and together create a path to a more harmonious life.

Is perfectionism really necessarily bad?

Perfectionism is not as easy to understand as it might seem at first glance. Some say it’s the driving force that drives them to better results, while others warn of the pitfalls that can fall into those who are constantly obsessed with making things perfect. So there is a healthy dose of perfectionism, instead of letting ourselves be enslaved by its demands, we can use it as a tool for personal growth.

We can say that healthy perfectionism is functional when it motivates and encourages us to achieve the desired goals. Unhealthy perfectionism refers to rigid and strict demands on oneself, and here the individual sets ambitious goals for himself based on his own abilities. Simply put, he expects the best from himself and more.

But what lies behind perfectionism?

To be completely honest, we all strive to be our best and achieve high standards from time to time, but too much perfectionism can bring some problems with it. Perfectionism can be explained as a double-edged sword, on the one hand, it can encourage us, and on the other hand, we can find ourselves caught in the trap of unrealistic expectations.

The insistence that everything must be perfect can lead to excessive self-criticism, fear of failure, constant stress, and burnout. In addition, perfectionism often manifests itself in the form of procrastination. Where the individual is afraid that certain tasks will not be perfect, so he does not undertake them at all.

Although perfectionism seems to be a trait that is valued because it brings determination and success. But this is often just an external impression. Self-criticism and high expectations affect beliefs and behaviors about one’s own worth and abilities.

How to tell if you might have been caught by this ‘perfection virus‘?

• Unattainable standards
• Fear of failure
• Postponement of tasks
• It’s never good enough
• Self-criticism
• There’s never enough time
• Irritability, due to the feeling that you never do enough
• Obsession with depression

Allow yourself to be human and try these tips against perfectionism

Recognize perfectionism

An important step is to analyze yourself well. You should realize that there is nothing wrong with having high standards and not putting pressure on yourself. To help you, I am adding some questions to help you identify patterns of perfectionism:

• Am I constantly trying to make everything look perfect?
• Do I feel bad if things aren’t perfect?
• Am I afraid that people will judge me if I don’t meet my standards?
• Do I keep checking and editing things to make them perfect?
• Do I procrastinate on tasks because I’m afraid I won’t do them well enough?
• Do I feel pressured to always live up to the expectations others have of me?
• Do I set unrealistic standards for myself that I find difficult to achieve?
• Do I feel like I always have to try harder than everyone else?
• Do I have trouble accepting praise and recognition because I always see what could be better?
• Do I often find myself in situations where I obsess over how I will do?

Accept your mistakes, we all make them

You are not the only one who makes mistakes. We all make them. Try growing a garden with a growth mindset. Only then will you look at mistakes as learning opportunities. One way to do this is to take up a new hobby that you are unlikely to succeed in on your first try. Instead of trying to be perfect on the first try, focus on enjoying the activity and slowly learning how to get better. You may find that mistakes are necessary to get where you want to go.

Pay attention to your inner speech

Pay attention to your inner speech, if you notice that you are too strict with yourself, with high expectations and pressure, replace it with more realistic and encouraging thoughts.

Set possible goals

If most of your goals are unrealistic or too challenging for your abilities, it’s time to create a change. Set goals that are understandable and on par with your abilities. Take your time and don’t forget to rest during this journey to your destination. Even if you fail, it doesn’t have to be the end of your journey. To overcome the fear of failure check here.

Learn to let go

Take control of yourself and don’t bother yourself with unnecessary details or expectations. To take this step, set boundaries, recognize the essence of the task or goal, do not waste time on unnecessary things, set standards that should be achievable and realistic, train determination, and realize that perfection is an illusion. Make your tasks easier with simpler solutions instead of complicating and complicating the entire process.

Use the 80/20 rule. Focus on that 20% that is based on effort and let go of the rest that does not bring significant results.

Praise yourself

Stop being self-critical and instead accept and praise yourself. No matter where you are on your journey to your destination, be grateful and proud of yourself. Accept compliments and praise from others and say thank you. Let nice words caress your heart because you deserve it. Create a strong and loving relationship with yourself, sometimes I didn’t fully understand this and it seemed pointless. But now my mindset is completely different, you can succeed too.

Instead of looking for perfection, find meaning

Do you remember why you started in the first place? Focus on the journey and not the destination itself, enjoy every step, encourage yourself, and give yourself space to rest and relax. If you are aligned with the process, then there is no need to get frustrated and have high expectations, right?

Change beliefs and behaviors

Instead of stressing and thinking too much about what to wear to the store, and spending hours on it. Instead, stop and ask these questions:

• Does it really matter?
• Does this task really require that much detail?
• Do I focus too much on unimportant details?
• How would it feel to release the burden of complication?
• What’s the worst that can happen if I don’t achieve perfection?
• Could you accept a simpler solution?
• Am I enjoying the process? Am I under too much pressure and expectations?
• Will it really matter in a month?

If you constantly strive to achieve perfection, you may lose opportunities for spontaneity, enjoyment, and relaxation. Why constantly burden yourself with stress, anxiety, and feelings of failure when you can look through the other door and realize that you have actually achieved a lot.

Beat procrastination

Perfectionist patterns often lead to procrastination, as fear of failure and inadequacy can prevent starting a task. Overcoming procrastination means even when you don’t feel 100% ready. Instead of waiting for the “Perfect Moment”, you simply start. This will help you reduce the pressure caused by perfectionism. Overcoming procrastination also helps you accept mistakes as a natural part of the process. Read more about overcoming procrastination here.

Limit time on projects

Set deadlines for achieving goals, which will reduce the likelihood of procrastination and limit yourself from constantly checking and correcting your work or product. Perfectionists often invest excessive time in projects because they want everything to be perfect. But that opens the door to over-analyzing. Simply determine how much time you will spend on initial planning, implementation, and editing. When time runs out, decide that this is it. It’s like stopping at a traffic light – it’s a red light. If you are interested in how to manage your time wisely, check here.

It’s not about giving up ambition, it’s about letting go of the pressure that keeps us from enjoying the journey to success. It is important to realize that perfection is not necessarily the key to happiness. Sometimes it’s those little complications and irregularities that give life color.

Just as each flower in the garden is a little different, all of them together form a beautiful scene, so our mistakes and idiosyncrasies make up the beautiful picture of our lives. So the next time you find yourself sinking into a spiral of fixing and seeking perfection, remember that beauty lies in imperfections. Enjoy your journey to success and free yourself from the chains of perfectionism.